before working in my current job (i've been here just over a year) i worked with teens in crisis. like, major crisis. think about teens in the worst situations you can imagine and then multiply it by 10 (because crisis always happens in mass) and remember i have no advanced degree and there was no clinical support. what i did have was a pager 24/7 (yes, apparently they do still exist, although when i tried to renew the contract it was extremely difficult to find a dealer), even while on vacation, even while in california on vacation (and people wonder why i left - i still breakout in hives when i see one). we basically got engaged, i realized that i was supposed to be happy - and quit my job. now i work for the jews, and there is little to no stress (and i get ALL the jewish holidays off - like even the one's you don't know about). and its great.
i will not give you a true picture of what my current work day looks like because well, you wouldn't believe me anyway. there's quite a bit of down time...today i planned my family's passover seder, printing out new readings related to social justice and the world we currently live in (which i am sure my father will mock). and i found a new list of song parodies (my father's favorite part of the "traditional" passover seder, you should really hear his tone deaf rendition of "just a tad of charoset" sung to the "tune" of "just a spoonful of sugar") of which i made 10 copies. i do catch oprah most days, while at the gym, which is in my building. i know. i'm a lucky girl.
although, i think i might have forgotten how to deal with stressful situations and how to keep perspective.
when working with the crazy teens and the even crazier adults associated with them, i was juggling life and death (literally). but it was part of my every day. sure, i was miserable, but i just sort of trekked on. i had to. i went into survival mode.
today this is NOT the case. i do not deal with life and death. i deal with ordering merchandise to give away to potential volunteers. i make phone call after phone call, send email after email, from my windowless office only to find out that RANDOM DUDE has too many speeding tickets and therefore can't volunteer. my supervisor once asked me to come to a board meeting because board members would be on their best behavior with me there. and for unknown reasons, when a decision has to be made, or the stats don't look the way i think they should, or an event hits an unexpected speed bump...i freak (inwardly only...on the outside i'm a cool and collected red head...i do know its all about appearances). the "numbers" look good so everyone is happy with me and my hard work and winning personality. some days i get down because i wish i was having a greater impact on the world, but then i remember what my old life looked like and felt like, and i realize i can deal with my random and irrational stressed-out-outbursts.
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tomorrow ABN and i head to westport for passover. my mom gets upset when my brother and i don't refer to their house as home. i'm 27, i'm married and westport is still supposed to be home? i haven't lived there since 1999. and when i did live there, i was miserable. truthfully, westport feels more like a home now than it did back then - which says something, i should probably tell my mom - i think it would make her feel better.
and just to follow up on my post from yesterday...as much as i tried to stop myself, i caught the first episode of the new season of the real world at the gym today (yes, i had time to go to the gym for an hour, blog and also plan passover). it was disgusting and totally moronic...and i'll be watching next week.
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