A Few Days Later than I had Planned

we're up early and heading to the airport. it only took me just under 7 hours to pack - and i'm still not sure. if you looked at my suitcase, there is no doubt you would be confused. i basically have a white tshirt and long cardigan sweater for everyday. it is boring. and i am not boring. but i can't figure out what a girl is supposed to wear in north carolina. i feel my anxiety about my wardrobe in the pit of my stomach. meh.

yesterday after working a lovely four hour shift, i did a bit of holiday shopping (i'm out of town for the rest of the sale and wanted to take full advantage). without exception, whenever a co-worker chatted with me as i shopped, they asked "doing some xmas shopping?" actually chanukah, i would respond. "REALLY!!!! NO FREAKING WAY!!! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE JEWISH?!?!??(substitute, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A JEW!!!). um, how the hell am i supposed to respond to this statement. yep. always have been!

now i know that my life before PINEAPPLE NATION was not your typical experience (remember i know lot's of rabbis) but really, i had no idea that the fact that i am jewish would ever garner surprise or special attention. in my world your jewish until proven otherwise but it is clear that my coworkers don't know what to do with this piece of information. a popular response to my acknowledgement that, in fact i am MOT (they have no clue what i am talking about) is to tell me about interactions they have had with others jews - "oh, my step dad's jewish too!" or "oh my god, my neighbors in maryland were jewish." great, and i nod my head in appreciation?

and finally, before i get on the plane, i am counting the minutes until i can get THIS in my hot little hands (or iphone really). britney's back bitch!

A Public Service Announcement

i don't have much time this morning - i have an early shift at work and then we're leaving early tomorrow morning and i haven't even begun to pack (note to self - pick up a bottle of wine on the way home). so for now...just this:

PINEAPPLE NATIONS's big, black friday sale starts TODAY, not black friday. that's right, 40% off shoes, jewels, sweaters - including select cashmere, all non-suiting pants, outerwear and probably half a dozen other things my brain can't think of right now. so run don't walk, do your holiday shopping early - it will be worth it.

and yes, if you are in my small circle of gift-exchange, you will be getting pineapple this year. so if there's something you really want...speak now.

i wasn't originally on the schedule for today, so instead of working in MONOGRAM, i'm working in petites. which, in our store, is sort of like being second class. don't get me wrong, i'm petite and we have the best petite department anywhere...but at the end of the day....it's still like the unwanted step-sister.

happy shopping!

Sunday Morning in NoCal

it's 10am and i need to leave the house in less than an hour. i haven't had breakfast or done hair or makeup but i can't will myself to get off the couch and turn off the episode of 90210 that i have seen a million times before. the gang has just arrived back in beverly hills from a trip to hawaii. kelly gets shot and has amnesia and can't remember the love of her life brandon. steve has convinced brandon to work for the beverly beat, donna is bearing her midriff and noah is trying to win kelly in her moment of weakness. it's gripping...i have to go.

when not working this weekend i have also been on the seemingly endless search for the perfect pair of "skinny" pants. at this point i'll take any color, any style. the problem is this - whenever i think i have found the right pair, when i try to stuff them in my boots 1. they are too long (i'm short) and there for there is way too much to stuff, or even if they are the appropriate length, they are not, in fact, skinny enough and bunch at the knee. i hate the bunch at the knee. on the way home from work yesterday i actually spent my time waiting for muni studying the "knee bunch" or lack their of, of the other women waiting for the muni...fascinating, similar to male hair growth patterns, i could consider this endlessly. i believe i have finally found the secret, the pants have to be tight, not just skinny. which is why some stretch is imperative. i'm off this morning to return one pair that i bought and potentially purchase a replacement. if you have thoughts or suggestions...i'm listening.

Like Disco Lemonade

so if i had gotten my act together a few hours ago - this post would look/read much differently. but the truth of the matter is, i stumbled upon something that changed my day...i caught something on tv too good to even compete with the week's worth of tv currently stored on my dvr - vh1's 100 greatest songs of the '90s.

i could definitely do a post per song but i'll spare you that for now. instead i'll just focus on the last few that stick out....

linger, the cranberries - i was fascinated by their accents and remember wondering if they actually spoke like that or just sounded that way while singing, sorta like billie joe from green day (i'm right...). it wasn't til college, that CHANDLER explained to us late one night (substances?) that she felt the song was really about "passing gas" and now, well i feel like i know the hidden truth. every time ABN and i waited in the security line at logan airport we'd hear the song and i'd share my theory. i thought that it had greater meaning that we always heard the same song at the same place, but now that i work in retail i realize that at the airport they probably have a soundtrack too. i feel bad for the people who work there.

never said, liz phair - no doubt i was a huge liz phair fan. i felt like she said all the things i wanted to say but wasn't daring enough to even think about. she had a dirty mouth, often dressed in all pink - totally complex. she was sorta part of my whining women stage but she didn't whine. do you remember flower? in college i liked to play it in the background of our friday night get-togethers and see if anyone noticed.

it hasn't happened yet, and i've held out from googling to find out, but i would put money on the fact that smells like teen spirit is #1...that just seems like common sense to me. although if mine was the only voice that counted, i'd probably go with under the bridge. i just remember it being like the first "cool" cd i had. oh but before i had the cd i totally copied a babysitter's cd on to a tape...but it must have been before i really knew how to make a mix tape. i definitely put my little boombox in front of a cd player and pressed record. you could hear me whispering on my copy. and the song was about drugs.

your greatest song of the 90's?

Mitzvah Goret Mitzvah

i received an email yesterday from one of the rabbi's at our temple (note: we've been to services for the high holidays and that is absolutely IT - no friday night service, no social event, no meeting with the rabbi - i'm not complaining or defending, i'm just setting the scene). according to the email, one of "our neighbors" had lost her mother and he was trying to get a group together for a minyan. i can do that.

it was the first time he had gone the route of emailing everyone within a zip code - and it totally worked. a group of 10 of us gathered in the mourner's living room...and after the short service we talked about the streets that we live on and what we like most about our neighborhood. we talked about getting together for a another occasion - a holiday dinner?

as we prayed together and then chatted, i couldn't help but stare out the huge picture windows - a view of all of san francisco...the city and the bay in front of us, and the homes of twin peaks to our left. truly a city like no other.

oh and one other thing i learned...according to my neighbors i live down the street (like a block) from this guess where we'll be this saturday morning??

#77

my prom was the climactic end to my anti-climactic high school experience.

here’s the briefest of histories - in august before my junior year of high school my parents dragged me kicking and screaming from one coast (warm, sunny, filled with family and friends) to the other (cold, rainy and where we knew no one - at least these polarities where how I viewed my transition at the time). against everyone’s advice i spent the first 20 months in my new town locked in my attic bedroom or babysitting my next door neighbors. i have absolutely no recollection of what initially forced me (i’m sure I was kicking and screaming again) out during those last two months - but i do know that i quickly made up for lost time. while i might have been extremely depressed, i was damn determined to also have a typical high school experience - even if it killed my ego.

so there was exactly one drunken party. and exactly one boy (okay in all honesty there were two more boys earlier in my tenure who I now know expressed interest but at the time i argued that both were gay, and only confused and i would just like to say for the record - that in both instances i was correct - see, even if depressed i still read people well…). and there were even four or five girls that i considered friends (in my memory today they were all named JESSICA which totally isn’t reality but i do think adds to my story).

[i'm sitting here, trying to think of a good fake name for the one boy who did like me (and not just for my fashion sense) but his real name sounds so much like i made it up you wouldn’t believe me anyway].

VINNY was the captain of the wrestling team. he had a perfectly round baby face with flawless porcelain skin (a rare find in high school) and these massive cheeks that turned (and often stayed) bright red. i think his mom is a lesbian (which, i think even at the time, i thought was the coolest part about him). i had a class with him junior year and then definitely ran into him while out to dinner with my parents over the summer (he was working, it was MORTIFYING). then we had more classes together senior year and my friends were sorta friends with his friends…whatever it was it became clear (even to me) that he was interested. this was all happening around the time i stopped spending my lunch hour in the library (i was really miserable) and started going to the cafeteria (just thinking about this time makes me want to curl up into a ball and die).

iMing had just become (at least for me) all the rage and one afternoon i was home (what the hell else was I going to do) and chatting with VINNY who i think was home sick (hot!). somehow he convinced me to come over to his house - he would help me study for a spanish test. i think. i do remember that i consciously changed my clothes before i went over. i can remember EXACTLY what i was wearing (shocking even to me). dark jeans (from express), a boat neck white long-sleeve tshirt and a grey zip up fleece, that i kept on the entire time i was there. we sat on his couch and talked for a while and i have this totally unbelievable memory but i’m almost certain that he had JEWEL playing on his stereo. Huh. anyway, i have no clue what we were talking about (i doubt spanish) but i do remember that as it became clear to me that i should be leaving it also became clear to me that he was going to kiss me. and i freaked. and so when he went in for it, even touching my cheek with his stubby, wrestler fingers, i turned my face as far the other way as possible and hugged him tight - in hopes that he couldn’t move - if he couldn’t move there would be no kiss. i then ran out his door, took a second to turn my madonna cd on full blast and proceeded to drive the wrong way down his one way street. classy.

by the time he came back to school two days later, he was dating someone else. i missed my chance.

fast forward 3 weeks (okay 4) and it’s prom. at the very last minute my friends convinced me that i should go and we all went as a group, getting ready at JESSICA’s house. there were pictures and champagne and a limo. VINNY and his GIRLFRIEND even road with us. i think it was fun. i danced with friends and with the two other guys (who might have also danced together) but every time GIRLFRIEND would run off to the bathroom (and remember, we all ran off a lot at prom….there was a ton to gossip about) VINNY would pull me onto the dance floor, usually for a slow song, and hold me close, until GIRLFRIEND reemerged and i quickly made my safe exit.

at some point GIRLFRIEND disappeared for a while and this time when VINNY pulled my arm, hard (remember, he was the captain of the wrestling team) it was clear we were going somewhere other than the dance floor. he led me, in my hot pink, floor length ball gown skirt and black tank top from the gap (i was always fashion forward) through the lobby and out to the circle in front of the hotel where all the limos were waiting. it was dark and their was a fountain at the center; we sat on the ledge.

i knew i had an important decision to make - we were out there, among the cigarette smoking limo drivers for only one purpose. what VINNY didn’t know was that prom was really the end of the road for me. i was going back to school \ the following monday to take my only final and then i was outta there, heading to the west coast before anyone had time to stop me and i had no plans on looking back. there would be no graduation ceremony, no parties, no tearful goodbyes for this red head. there would be absolutely no consequences for my actions. it was now…or never. so when he leaned in this time, i didn’t turn my head. i went in fully aware with both eyes open. i kissed an italian.

before he opened his eyes i was already heading, skipping, back into the prom. to dance the last dance, with my friends. smiling the biggest smile I had ever let westport see.

And You Say...

okay before i write what i had planned to write i need to write this...

i am sitting out on my back deck (i know...it's amazing) and there is a woman in the house on the hill behind me (technically i guess she's out on her balcony) so she's over looking me and she is outside, on her laptop (like me), but instead of sitting and blogging while listen to her random itunes music from 1997 she is hanging her laptop off her balcony narrating to the person on the other side of her computer what they are seeing through the little video camera in her computer. this makes me think exactly two things...wow, that's not something you see everyday. AND, i want to do that!

you see interesting things when you sit on your back deck at 1pm on a monday afternoon...or at least i do. i have these neighbors. they have a 20 year old son who it turns out lives in the shed in their backyard. i think there are some issues and while i am really good at judging others (#53) i'm trying here. anyway, it seems that as i am sitting here they are trying to get him to come out of the shed and do something with his day. this involves mom and daughter going back and forth to the shed and then meeting somewhere in the middle to assess their progress (or lack there of). i have yet to see the son.

i should probably add that it's like 75 degrees and there isn't a cloud in the sky. i'm listening to living in clip (wow) and my neighbors cat just scared me MORE than half to death.

life is good.

Card Carrying Members

ABN and i are sitting in the noe valley library. its the furthest i felt like i could go today but the idea of staying in our apartment again only made me feel more sick. it’s sunny out and even though it took a lot of effort to put on a pair of blue jeans, the warmth from the sun felt good beating down on the top of my head as we walked the short distance. this is quite possibly the smallest library branch i have ever been in; one square room with a small section behind a set of glass doors labeled “children’s room” (even though there is a red squiggle line underneath the word children's on my computer screen, telling me it is wrong...i am currently staring at the actual sign and that is what is written). still the ceilings are high and ornate and there is plenty of light both from windows and fixtures. there is free wireless and accessible places to plug in my laptop. a man is sitting at the table next to ours who seems to be making note cards - and juggling.

this is now the third day of work that i have missed. technically i could have gone in today. i am feeling much better. but i feel weak and i couldn’t figure out how i would have gotten to work if i had gone. typically, i walk but i knew i wasn’t up for a 4 mile trek. ABN obviously could have driven me but i have an irrational fear of getting nauseous in the car. and then of course i could have also taken the train but i’m pretty sure that it would have a caused a fainting episode (knowing that my triggers are going underground, feeling claustrophobic, not having enough food in me, having been sick in the recent past…yeah i’m glad i didn’t take the train). i was also scheduled to work an obscene 9 hour shift and i just think that if it had been something more reasonable, like 4, i could have pushed. i don’t know. tomorrow will be a long day, no question, but i’m thinking that by not going in today, i will feel more up for it. i’m sure the PINEAPPLE NATION gods aren’t so pleased with me…it’s been a busy few days and i’ve been M.I.A.

so the list from yesterday’s post…random i know but it’s actually a bit of a jumping off point for me. maybe. i’ve been searching for some writing exercises to help get my mind moving, my fingers typing and stumbled on the idea that instead of starting fresh each day, it might help to pick from a list of ideas…brainstorms. so now you have the jumping off point…and we’ll see how all this goes. not everything that i write has to be about me (although…when has it not been?!) but the list of 100 is just something to spark my imagination…or more likely explore my own reality.

oh one more thing - it's friends and family weekend over at PINEAPPLE NATION and our sister stores (online too!). i was able to send out a bunch of coupons this time around but wanted to let my readers know that if you're interested in getting one next time around (right after the holidays i think) let me know and i can EMAIL them out too! but if you can't find anything you like, don't blame me (you know who YOU are), remember it was just something nice i was doing - or you might not get one next time around...fair warning :)

100 Things

1. Drinking hot water with lemon and honey soothes my sore throat, especially when I drink it out of my green, glass mug

2. I can identify any episode of 90210 (the original) within 18 seconds of hearing any piece of dialogue…it’s been proven many times

3. I like things that are orange but at other points in my life I have preferred pink and purple

4. I can eat endless amounts of broccoli and asparagus

5. I can also eat endless amounts of cheez-its

6. One day I hope to own a pair of christian louibitan heels but there are two important things stopping me - the price, and selecting on just one pair…equally difficult to over come

7. I know the secret ingredient to my grandmother’s world famous chocolate cake

8. I am obsessed with hugh lurie but have to fast forward through the “scary” parts of house

9. I am also obsessed with anthony lapaglia…if forced I don’t think I could choose between the two

10. I fall asleep every night on ABN’s shoulder, until I wake up in a puddle of my own drool and then I roll over, on to my own pillow

11. My fingernails are a funny shape and they turn up at the tip, just like my Nani’s; my toes have points

12. I fear going to the dentist more than almost anything else in this or any other world - but I still go, two times a year, because I fear that it will be worse if I don’t

13. I have bleach blonde eyebrows which I regularly have dyed, and regularly they are dyed the wrong color

14. I believe that 6 Feet Under had the best ending of any series ever; as a viewer I felt completely satisfied and I wish every series would end the same way - documenting the way each of the characters (main or secondary) dies

15. I talk to my mom multiple times every day

16. The only person I know who is more stubborn than my dad is me

17. I love the idea of putting a scrapbook together to document our life together, but it sure is a lot of work - I’m already way behind

18. I believe that the DVR is possibly the best invention…ever

19. I don’t talk to anyone I went to high school with but I think about them everyday and I wonder if they think about me too

20. I wonder if they hate me

21. I have a reoccurring dream that I’m skipping classes in high school and that I haven’t studied for the midterm. I always believe it is real.

22. I would rather work on solving other people’s problems than my own

23. Rachel Zoe…I die

24. I have been getting my haircut in LA, by Martin, for my entire life, but I haven’t lived in LA since 1997

25. Growing up, we had a dog named Chester but when we moved to Connecticut, he was kidnapped by my Nani and Eddie - seriously

26. I didn’t learn how to ride a bike until I was like, 11, and the only reason that I learned then was because my little brother learned how and I got jealous

27. I have a thing for guys with brown curly hair who play the guitar

28. Apparently I have a bigger thing for one guy with hairy brown legs who likes to climb mountains

29. I don’t understand that not everyone grew up boogie boarding on Venice Beach

30. I sleep with a baby satin pillow. I should probably wash it more often then I do

31. Now that I work in retail I wonder if I will ever go back to my non-profit roots

32. When people ask me what I do, I still tell them that I work in the social justice field; I’m embarrassed to tell most people that I am a stylist at a major retailer…even though I’ve been there almost 4 months

33. I still think I’m doing my part to change the world

34. I wish my best friends lived in the same place as me

35. My favorite salad in the entire world is my mom’s taco salad - I wish I could eat it every day

36. I tease ABN about his turkey sandwiches but secretly I think they always look so yummy

37. I love to have solo dance parties

38. I took a class in college where we did a partner meditation at the beginning of every class - it changed me life but I haven’t really meditated since

39. Until about a year and a half ago, I didn’t have the ability to burp. Then one day I started burping, but I can’t control it at all. I tend to burp at really inopportune times. And I don’t know which is better…not being able to burp or not being able to control it

40. I like to drink bubble water with a slice of lime (which only causes more burping)

41. I used to be addicted to diet coke but now only drink it for a treat and when it comes out of a fountain - it’s just so much better that way

42. I think that hands are really important, and very sexy

43. When I was little I would sit in my mom and dad’s room as they would get ready to go out on a Saturday night - and watch multiple episodes of I Love Lucy and Family Ties.

44. A lot of my friends are rabbis - like a lot. And I know that most people don’t get it but for me it’s pretty awesome. It’s sort of like having a lot of friends who are rock stars - except they get to be part of my major life cycle events

45. I really want to get a dog but I’m nervous about the responsibility

46. I hate horses and pigeons equally. Horses smell bad and they kick - and pigeons, they flap and that’s just wrong

47. Growing up my family had a condo in Palm Springs that we would go to one weekend a month (except for summer…too hot in summer). It had brown shag carpeting and really soft beds with orange and brown comforters and lots of trees with grapefruit. I learned to swim in the pool and ate a lot of Tony Roma’s ribs. Every one else who lived on the property was like over 80. It was amazing.

48. I have this problem that I get really excited to start various craft projects but rarely finish them. Current projects include but are not limited too: a baby blanket, a tshirt quilt and a honeymoon scrapbook

49. I love Oprah

50. The song “California Stars” makes me cry every time I hear it

51. I sleep with a stuffed Torah named Lefty, after a character from the book Youth and Revolt

52. My favorite thing to wear is my big, white, terry-cloth robe

53. I judge people

54. When I brush my teeth my gums bleed, all the time

55. I enjoy cooking and following a recipe - I enjoy it even more when ABN and I are in the kitchen

56. I like taking pictures of my food

57. I’m obsessed with Keith Olbermann

58. I love my freckles

59. I have hyper extended knees

60. Most of the surfaces in my home are covered with photographs of people that I love - and I want more

61. I am an extremely anxious person

62. When I get anxious I tend to breakout in hives and scratch my chest

63. If I happen upon a Law and Order SVU marathon - I’m done for the day

64. I can play a mean game of Rummikub

65. A glass of red wine makes for a better night

66. I sent Ira Glass an invitation to my wedding

67. I wear lots of bracelets. When I forget to take them off before I go to sleep, I wake myself up in the middle of the night when I roll over and they jangle.

68. I follow celebrity gossip like its my job

69. I add 3/4 of a teaspoon of vanilla to my brownie recipe

70. I continue to have a huge crush on Donnie Wahlberg

71. When the college basketball season starts I turn into a crazed UCLA bruins fan - its fairly unexpected

72. Growing up I never took a dance class and I was never on a sports team. To this day I feel like I missed out.

73. Room service makes me unbelievably happy. Especially when the hotel provides a terry-cloth bathrobe

74. The best day of the month is when my Vanity Fair arrives in the mail

75. Nate n’ Als has really good rye bread

76. When I moved to the east coast I learned that fleece on fleece creates static electricity - the hard way

77. At my high school prom I made-out with the captain of the wrestling team…he wasn’t my date. He was Italian.

78. I’m fascinated by male hair growth patterns

79. I think that a fitted black blazer looks really great over a dress

80. My mom tried really hard to convince me not to shave my legs and to only get waxed. She said the hair would grown in much softer and then eventually it would stop growing all together. I wish I had listened to her.

81. Some of my best memories are at Trader Vic’s

82. I think that it’s important to splurge on high thread count sheets…and orange juice

83. I subscribe to multiple NPR podcasts (I only know what a podcast is because I’m married to ABN)

84. I fear that I could easily end up as a member of a cult - I’ve been told I’m gullible

85. I still can’t believe I’m living in California…again

86. When I have kids, I want my parents to be within a 2 hour drive…at the most…they currently live across the country in Connecticut. Hmmmmm

87. I already have my Halloween costume planned for next year - and it’s such a good one

88. For special occasions my Mom, Nani and I used to get dressed up and go to Bullocks Wilshire for lunch. We’d eat tea sandwiches and enjoy a fashion show with really old models. At the end of the meal they would bring you this green mint with a marshmallow on the bottom. It was really sad when Bullocks Wilshire closed

89. I have seen the Nutcracker ballet at least 11 times. My favorite part is when the Chinese dancers do their bit. You can picture me and my Eddie sitting in the balcony doing our own interpretation of the dance.

90. I have a cousin who is seven years younger than me - and one of my favorite people

91. My Papa calls me Liz-a-betty. It’s my favorite nickname and I have a lot of them

92. I knew ABN was the one after a leap-year party

93. Skim milk white Russians are like a little piece of heaven - I don’t think I’ve had one since we discovered our alcoholic roommate

94. My brother is probably the smartest person I know

95. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up

96. My favorite part of all of my past jobs has been the people that I have worked with

97. I’ve had a lot of “friend breakups” - and I continue to be devastated by each of them

98. I never snooze. I usually wake up the minute before my alarm goes off

99. I rely heavily on spell-check

100. I screen my calls

I Get So Weak in the Knees

for the first time in 36 hours i am sitting upright. trying. here's the story...at least as i see it. i had a horrible cold. i took cold medicine all day. i worked the luxe event and then afterwards had a glass of wine. then a bunch of us went out for another glass of wine. and then i spent the next 24 hours throwing up. literally. oh. my. god. i couldn't pick my head up. i couldn't drink water. i couldn't eat anything. it was bad. really really bad. and today, i'm sitting up. and its taking a lot.

ABN took really good care of me. and last night i was finally able to eat some of the saltine (gross) and ginger ale that he brought me. today my plan is to stick with the same diet. and if at all possible, we'd really like to go to services tonight. but the idea of getting in a car - that scares me.

but the good news is everyone likes my hair ;)

LA History, Part One

i remember waiting to be picked up on friday nights. it was still light out, but the sun was beginning to set so the street lights had already automatically come on. i would stand at the top of our brick stairs, in front of the door, waiting for him with my tiny red suitcase. the suitcase had a picture of a little girl on it with the words, “going to grandma’s.” i was on my way to go to Nani and Eddie’s.

i waited in my flannel night gown. the long sleeves secured at my wrists with tight elastic; the neckline finished with a thin piece of lace that caused me to constantly itch and fidget. i questioned whether the four or five buttons belonged at the front, like my florence eiseman blouses, or in the back, like a dress. i still don’t really know the answer. to stay warm, i wore my white cardigan with the pearly buttons, over the nightgown and of course, my slippers.

eventually Eddie would arrive and i would jump into the car, making sure to squeeze my mother tightly around the neck before i took off. we would listen to big band music on the car ride across town and he would tell me where he had been when the music was first popular. he would sing his college fight song and i would hum along until eventually i knew all the words. we’d stop to pick up dinner on the way and instead of waiting in the car, i’d go with him because i liked the way the people in the restaurant knew him, and the way he signed the bill; with strong, purposeful, messy letters.

when we’d finally arrive at their house, the dog would already be locked up outside in the back. oliver didn’t like visitors, even me, and was never allowed in the house when anyone else was there. i’d watch him through the window, taunting him to come closer and then running away scared when he got too close. as Nani would get dinner ready, i would walk through the whole house, looking around to see if anything was new. same silver picture frames, same wooden stools, same antique colored glass bottles from when my great-grandfather had a store in tyler texas. i would spend extra time at one table in their bedroom, opening every single small halcyon days china pill box, to read the personal inscriptions.

we’d eat dinner in bed, me sitting between the two of them, who leaned against wedge pillows. it was the only time i watched the news. i didn’t know about the people and places that they were showing pictures of, but because Nani and Eddie seemed interested, i was too. chopped salad and a tall glass of milk, followed by pieces of chocolate croissant and raspberries for dessert.

eventually i would get tired and end up horizontal on their huge king sized bed, between the two wedge pillows. they’d turn the light off so i could sleep but continue to watch tv and i could feel the picture flashing behind my closed eyelids. soon they would decide to go to bed too and she’d carry me into the middle bedroom where i’d sit on her lap as she sang to me - lullabies in yiddish and songs about snow on christmas. i'd suck my fingers and grab on to her satin nightgown as she whispered, “hush little baby, don’t say a word, Nani’s going to buy you a mockingbird…”

These Foolish Games

i'm sitting in a coffee shop in noe, enjoying my 5th or 6th mug of coffee of the day (technically, it's my first latte). turns out, the library is, in fact, closed on veteran's day (who knew?...well, my mom knew but that's besides the point) and so while i had planned on spending a few hours writing, and checking out a book of writing exercises, i'm am instead writing, while burning my tongue (i have a very sensitive mouth).

i'm feeling better today, which is a good thing, but i sound much worse. my voice seems to catch and crack every time i open it, but since i'm alone today (ABN is at work, i'm off) i find myself testing it every now and then, saying a word or two to myself. i'm officially the crazy lady talking to myself in the coffee shop. judge me if you will.

to give you another reason to judge....i'm listening to jewel. i don't know how this happened. as i mentioned before, i got a new computer (LOVE) and finally finished uploading almost every cd i have ever had to it (i figure why not). while i don't have all my music on my iphone (i was more selective with that one due to space issues) having the music in such easy access on the computer leads to some less than stellar musical selections. and yet, i can't seem to will myself to click through to the next option.

don't get me wrong, there was a time in my life when i listened to this relentlessly. it was during my musical phase my father aptly named "whining women" (you know who i'm talking about). it lasted a little longer than it should have, with no clear definition of when it fully transitioned into full blown folk (much better). but today as i sit and listen to jewel, literally CRY on a few tracks, i wonder how i ever felt empowered by this stuff (i think that's what i was going for at least). some of the lyrics are just painful (like the 2nd track...oh and the 8th track...i truly feel bad for her).

after drinking so much coffee, i have to pee...again. in the meantime, is there a song/artist/album from your past, that if challenged, you could still sing every word?

These are a few of my Favorite Things!

i found this over at life on mars (i think its possible this blogger and i are destined to be best friends or maybe we're just the same person...you decide)....and couldn't resist. while watching, i did a little jig as i sat on my red couch....i dare you to try to do otherwise.

Cold Brain, Cold Fingers and Toes

i was watching e! news (go ahead, judge me) and they interviewed the star of the new movie MILK, all about the life and assassination of HARVEY MILK (go look it up, it's important, especially today) and the actor is doing all the publicity in front of a screen of the castro theater, which happens to be down the street from where i live. and i've taken a lot of cold medicine and so for a couple minutes i was all, wait are they filming down the road. nah. that's just the thera flu nighttime that 1. tastes like ass and 2. i took, by mistake in the very day time.

things on my foggy mind:

• ABN and i made an additional stop on our drive home yesterday in gilroy, the garlic capital of the world, in hopes of finding some...well...garlic. no luck on that but we did happen upon the outlets! normally i would have been all over that one but the cold that i'm currently nursing was a-brewing and i was in no mood. still, even a red, raw, throat couldn't keep me from the naturalizers store (this throat will heal but my feet - that's a more chronic issue). i find a number of only mildly offensively ugly options and settled on a pair of patent, flat, mary-janes. 8w. oh that w makes me want to cry. i just don't understand.
• when i said that my hair was now short, i'm not sure if you completely understood. my hair is REALLY short. i'm sure i will get back to rocking it once i take the time to "do" it but today, like yesterday, i let it air dry (and then today i fell asleep on it wet, on the couch...ew). it's a disaster. it's possible i ventured out of the house long enough to hit the grocery store (chicken soup), pick up a jamba juice (immunity boost) and get a pedicure (i thought it might help!) and i'm fairly certain the people who work at the nail salon were judging me. but since i don't speak vietnamese i can't be sure...which only makes it worse.
• okay finally i've added a few new addictions to my list...on the right. i know you'll enjoy! it's good stuff.
  

Blue Jean Baby, LA Lady

we just walked in from 36 jam packed hours in la...and i'm not going to lie, i'm exhausted (and possibly sick but since all grandparents read this we'll go with exhausted). it was totally worth it for the time with everyone but it was a lot for 36 hours and yeah i think next time we need another day. here's the recap:

• a lovely dinner out in agoura with G&P, best part being that we sat at a booth in the corner so P was able to hear and participate in the conversation - so nice!
• a major MARTIN haircut - as ABN put it, when you go to MARTIN you don't choose your haircut, you simply choose to go to MARTIN (the end result...really awesome, really short)
• special lunch with N&E at the getty center. not only were they totally up for the adventure but the weather was gorg and the view even better.
• ABN and i running to TITOS to fill two empty ice chests with 24 enchiladas...i'm that girl
• dinner with BOBBSEY TWIN and her new man...chopped salad and a good guy - a nice combination

and then today, we drove back. the plan all along had been to stop in san luis obisbo at this place we had stopped when we first drove to SF this summer. i'd being dreaming of the taco salad only to arrive and find out they are closed on sunday (i don't understand). so clearly i'm already planning my next trip down, so i can fill my craving (and i'll need more enchiladas at some point). instead we stopped for ice cream...an ice cream s'more?...yeah that works!

Neptune's Net

there's this little place on pch, right at the bottom of the hill. they serve cold beer and fried shrimp. the final and ultimate line defining the separation between the real world and what takes place, each summer over looking the pacific ocean. during a hot day the stools along the bar and the few tables tucked into smoky corners would be filled with equal parts leather clad biker and sweaty jewish camp counselor. a strange yet perfect balance.

in the packed dining hall, pushing my way through trays of greasy grilled cheese and ranch dressing, i make my way over to the side table, swarming with bees and campers - lips stained red from bug juice - all hoovering over the peanut butter and tuna. as i busy my hands, spreading the peanut butter thinly on to the last piece of wheat bread, i catch his eye. "neptunes?," i mouth silently. with a simple and direct nod of his head, i know we've planned our escape.

as the rest of camp heads back to cabins to lay silently on their individual bunks, sweating, limbs sticking to warm and worn sleeping bags, we head down the hill bottoming out as we hit every speed bump with full force, honking as we swing around every corner, my hand hanging out the window, catching the wind, the air filled with static radio reception and true tales of summer drama.

if we leave the top of the hill at 1 we are sitting with an icy corona by 1:20, and waste not a second as we clink l'chaim and shove our limes deep into the narrow bottles with our dirty thumbs. turning my head to watch the cars that travel by, the surfers pour themselves into their wetsuits on the side of the highway, the outside world continue; i think, i've never felt so far away.

but time continues to tick and by the time he is up at the bar, getting our second round, i am looking at my watch, thinking, this can't last forever. i notice the news on the tv above the kitchen, and the two large men at the table next to us discussing the scores from the latest baseball game we didn't even know had been played. and as i pick at the dry, peeling skin on the ridge of my nose, on the tip of my chin, from my latest sunburn; and as i look down at my jean-shorts spotted with the brown paint we had used to paint over benches that had been painted over so many times before, i realize that this isn't where we belong. we pay our tab and as we get in his blue volvo he hands me a breath mint. we sing the camp cheer at the top of our lungs as we race up the hill, even more quickly than we had tried to escape.

Can I Interest You in a Sweater, or Two?

i'm craving sushi and a pedicure. i know know, i should really be used to the whole sore feet thing. but i'm just not and when i get moody, my feet hurt more. i had a frustrating conversation with one of the parental units today..it wasn't her fault but i don't want to take the blame either. you know when you get in an argument with someone about nothing and you know that the only reason you are arguing is because you are frustrated that the other person isn't understanding what you are trying to say? i hate that. i'd rather be in a real fight because then at least there would be some sort of point. but today was pointless and now, many hours later, i'm just annoyed with life (but barack is still my president!).

i went back to work today hoping to find that the retail world had rebounded with the news of hope and change, but alas...no one is shopping (which only makes me want to shop more...ugh). apparently one of my fellow monogram stylists is jumping ship. i don't know the details yet but they have hired someone new (which seems unnecessary since there are NO SHOPPERS). is it bad that i have already decided i don't like this new person (i have a history of being anti new people, which is an intersting place to be considering i'm new...hmmm). tomorrow i'm starting bright and early and going back to corporate to check out the second half of the spring line. i'll let you know...then we're off to la for some quality grandparent time...and a cooler full of titos enchiladas. good times!

Trying to Distract Myself

while watching the results (on mute...it's still early and ABN isn't home yet) i'm catching up on some reading. found this over at july bug and figured now that i have photos on my computer i'd give it a try...

4th album, 4th photo:













it's the summer of 2006 and a bunch of us met up in westport for a couples weekend at the beach. as always i'm the one mixing the drinks. three of the four couples are married now and one of the couples crashed and burned...hard. but you live and learn. and at the end of the day...i'll still be mixing drinks

Tell Me When its Safe to Look

it's possible that when casting my vote, early this morning, i cried. it was just an incredibly overwhelming feeling. i know, deep down inside that my feelings, beliefs and actions are counting. maybe not so much for the big kahuna job (after all, i live in blue blooded california) but for issues of uber importance.

so yeah i felt really empowered and then almost immediately utterly annoyed. we had waited in line for a little over an hour, me, sipping my coffee the entire time. ABN and i headed in at the same time and once i finished, it was time to pee. clearly. but where was ABN. i waited. and i waited. come on here, we were clear on all issues. it was simply a matter of connecting the dots...right? turns out...ABN is a SLOW voter. something you should discuss before marriage - no? after all, he knows all about my urgent need to pee.

i spent my day painting pottery in order to occupy my mind as much as possible. now i'm mixing OBAMA-RAMAS and trying not break out in hives. i'll keep you posted on how that goes.

Worrying all the Way to the Polls

i'm approaching the end of the two hours i have just spent in a cafe and so i figure, i should post before i extend my welcome (i'm still a bit unsure about how long it is appropriate to sit...but since it's mostly empty i figure it's okay for now). i have the day off and the car is in the shop and so i'm spending the day writing and thinking and walking around the marina. no complaints from me.

obviously the election is overwhelming everything else going on in my life (and probably yours) right now and while i have gone back and forth about whether to write about it or not, i find it increasingly difficult to write about anything else. i find myself counting down the days, hours, seconds until this is all over. anxious to turn on my tv, the radio, open in the mail and hear or read about something else. but i also wonder about what and who will fill the void. no matter what the outcome of the presidential election, and being a californian (!) possibly more importantly prop 8, i find myself nervously anticipating the next chapter. i come from a lineage of worriers and while i break out in a cold sweat, expecting bad news basically every time my phone rings (its a sickness, i know) i find myself now fearing the worst with our country as well.

even if the election goes the way we all HOPE...need...i worry about what will come next. i believe in the people i am voting for but i can't help but worry that it might not be enough. am i crazy? i'm worried i'm' not.

my dad always argues that worry is a wasted emotion (the worrying gene does not come from his side). but i think that in this case it might not be. after all, if the election goes the way we all HOPE...need...and we stop worrying about the state of the world, stop being active; if we go back to our passive ways, ways in which war is acceptable, energy is expendable and human rights are questionable...then maybe a little continued worry would have been worth it...no?

i vote for the right to worry.
and by voting tomorrow i can get a free coffee. done.

one more thing...because i am nothing if not a good sister. THE CHARACTER and his friends are doing interactive (totally biased) election coverage tomorrow night. it's on the web and it's fairly funny and very informed. and you can/should participate. there's even a drinking game involved. check it out here....you can learn more and see some of the coverage they did around debates to get a feel for what is to come tomorrow night.

BARACK the VOTE! and if nothing else vote no on 8 because really...REALLY!

Turn It, Turn It, Turn It Again!

today i had a drunk customer - which was an odd experience. as soon as i started to help him i knew, i could smell that he had been drinking. it was just after 1:30 in the afternoon and he was interested in the three piece suit. apparently he is friends with this new manager and he was trying to convince me to give it to him at the friends and family 30% off price...note - friends and family does not start for 2 1/2 weeks. i told him that was impossible, i told him he could open a card and save 15% today, i told him i could put on hold for a couple of days but not for the entire 2 1/2 weeks. he didn't seem to understand. he kept trying to bargain with me. eventually i just walked away because i wasn't really sure what else to do. oh and i sold a cashmere coat so that made me feel better. then this other weird guy asked me if i had ever spent any time in a south american ashram...um, no.

yesterday ABN and i headed to the apple store bright and early, before i had to be at work. after months of waiting, it was finally time to purchase my new computer - we've been doing a really good job of sharing ABN's old computer (and by good job i mean that we both grit our teeth while the other reads their "news") but it was time. i mean i haven't had a NEW computer since 1999 when i started school.

these gadgets have come quite a long way. don't be surprised if i start spending my mornings in the apple store taking free classes to learn all the ins and outs. i know, i'm a huge dork.

i've spent the last day (when not running around pineapple nation) uploading music. i have a lot of scratched cds which makes this process not the easiest but i'm determined to save what can be saved. a highlight was finding the recording made the last saturday night of college...not only did i put it on the computer but it has now been uploaded to my iphone. yep that was me that you saw walking through the tenderloin with a ridiculous grin on my face.

I Miss the Halloween Episodes of Rosanne!

i'm off to get my new computer - wahoo! months in the making! i'll see you on the flip slide. but until then:

every halloween from 3 to 14 i spent doing the exact same thing. dinner at her parent's or mine. in our costumes - hers often involving make up that she had to be careful not to smudge. both of our getups always homemade, nothing plastic. clowns, little red riding hood, pipi longstocking, 50s girls, hippies, lucy and ethel - all created by raiding our mother's (and grandmother's closets). better than anything anyone else was wearing. always.

by 14 we were living different lives and were no longer spending our tuesday nights together at hebrew school and so she did what she did and i dressed in plastic costumes from the costume store and met up with girls from the private girls school and rather than knocking on doors in my neighborhood, running up and down the hills to visit the same houses we would visit year after year, i headed to the valley. weird.

last night as i was waiting for the train to go home after work, surrounded by the joker and sarah palin and a lot of grown men in head to toe furry bunny costumes, i ran into her sister. on halloween. perfection.