She's a Workin' Girl!

celebrity rehab. oy. i can't look away. i really really really REALLY should look away. but i can't. fascinating. disgusting. train wreck.

i had the day off yesterday which, it turned out, will be my only day off for the next seven days. that's a long run of time on my feet - i'm glad i decided against the pedicure yesterday, one moment of rational thinking. at the last minute i requested next weekend off so ABN and i can head to LA for a couple of days (i know) and i got that time so i really can't complain. in addition it seems that they have cut everyone else's hours (economic hardship) so the fact that i'm still getting so many is really a good thing...right? they must really like me :) and i'm still out everyday by 8 so really...really...it's all good.

i'm thinking of having a little holiday party for my monogram team. i'm not 100% sure yet. i sort of floated the idea by one of the guys and he just giggled (he does that) but i thought it might be fun. i mean. maybe. everyone could bring their partners. if everyone comes it would be 12 but i mean, i'm sure the one other woman wouldn't come so that would be 10. and everyone else has the potential to be fun. with alcohol. and i really want ABN to meet them because he doesn't believe my stories. i sort of want to invite some others too - some that i'm closer to and some that are just so freaking unreal...but that is probably getting a bit ahead of myself.

i'm doing tomato soup and grilled cheese for dinner because it's halloween and that just seems right. and i have to go buy candy because ABN bought candy that no child would want to eat. it's shitty candy that we would probably get egged for giving out. it's ABN candy - dark chocolate bites. in addition to the bitter taste, they are bite size, not snack size and they are in tinfoil wrappers that are not sealed...i wouldn't let my future kid eat that from a stranger - well, i probably would but that doesn't make it right.

It's My Prerogative

because we've been talking about me getting a new computer and since the files on my pink ipod are all corrupt, i have held off putting my music on my iphone. with my new computer perpetually "right around the corner" it just didn't make sense to me to go through the process...twice. during my 4.5 mile walk to work each day i listen to npr podcasts in order to stay up on the latest, two week old news. and of course, for those days gone by when i would sit in a cafe with wireless i always had the pandora option. but now, as i find myself trying to steal a few moments to write here or there i needed a better solution.

desperate times call for desperate measures and so i've uploaded two albums. tapestry by carol king - each of the songs take me back to a specific time and place and oddly, able me in a matter of moments to spill raw emotion onto the page - it's almost like a magic trick. EDDIE sent me my first copy of the album one of my first summers at sleep away camp and i spent every night of every summer there after falling asleep as my walkman quietly hummed along. years later, calling him in a moment of panic, as a counselor from the camp office - after so many summer nights my walkman had finally eaten my tape. he fedexed me a new copy, on cd and a discman, and batteries....the next day.

but while carol king quickly gets my pen moving across the page, only britney's greatest hits (?) can bring an instantaneous ear to ear grin across my face (if only she had been around during my high school days...imagine how differently things might have gone). THE CHARACTER gifted it to me a few years ago for chanukah. i remember unwrapping the gift, looking into his eyes and thinking, oh my god, you get me.

while i'm fairly certain i'm the ONLY girl around with this simple music library, in my mind its the perfect combination.

as a side note, BESTIE is going through a stressful time and to make matters worse he got facebook spam that someone was blogging mean stuff about him (which he might have sort of a little bit fallen for...oops). BESTIE - even though we're on the other coast - we love you...and your grandma's meatloaf.

My Life is So Hard

i'm having some major eyebrow/eyelash issues. major. i thought life was tough in boston when i had to drive across state lines in order to get the perfect tint. sure, i had a few funky dye jobs when i couldn't make the trek and instead resorted to a life of misdemeanor crime by having my my brows and lashes tinted under the table. sure they were grey once. oh yeah and i can't ignore that one time they were black and i tried to lighten then by scrubbing them with dish washing detergent...oh the irritation that followed. but at the end of the day, when push came to shove i was always a brisk 2.5 hour drive from MONICA and therefore if it wasn't right i only had my lazy self to blame.

but now that i'm in california, where dyeing is legal and thus bountiful - i can't get a good tint to save my soul. the first time - grey. and the second time - grey and faded. i don't head back to da port and therefor MONICA until xmas and i simply can't wait that long. there's an ELIZABETH ARDEN spa next door to pinapple nation, and my mom keeps assuring me elizabeth arden can do no wrong. all i know about elizabeth arden is that she's wicked expensive (disclaimer - i just checked the EA website for the first time and it's the exact same price for the tint as i have been paying...i'm an ass - and i'm going to try to make an appointment for tomorrow).

i'm supposed to go to LA next month and could go visit steven in beverly hills. after all, steven was my first...dye job. i am just shocked that maintaining my brows and lashes is more difficult on this coast then the last one.

i bet you didn't know life was so hard as a red head.

My Third Cup of Coffee

*i know this is not a post of character descriptions

i have this pair of xxl men's pajama pants from old navy...circa 1998. circa because i was living in connecticut when they were purchased...i remember driving in my green honda crv, with a tweedie bird suctioned to the back, driver's side window, driving down the post road, out of westport and into norwalk - the next town which some might argue is really a small city. an outing to old navy, on my own, to escape my bedrooms in the attic of the old pink house. singing loud and proud to songs about california as i dangled a cigarette out the open window, willing it to burn out, burn down, before i tried to force more smoke into my lungs. distracted from my singing only by chocking and coughing.

the pants are less than paper thin and ragged around the edges, like a perfectly worn pair of jeans that just brush the ground as i walk through the streets in my black alligator heels. worn while i hid from the world in my attic hideway. worn snow day after snow day in gucci house, drinking skim milk white russians while bonding over big breasts. four jews and an indian, we could have, should have, been our own sitcom. worn while living in new york, in my closet apartment, hiding from the people who collected their urine in yogurt containers and then took it over state lines to be added to their compost pile in the country. worn on the fungwah bus at the end of a perfect weeekend. worn as we unpacked wedding presents, trying to breakdown boxes with one hand while holding up my too large pants with the other. bleach stains...adding to the history.

last night, as i was climbing into my sky high bed at the end of my endless day, i stepped on the bottom of my pajama pants and awoke a tear that had been in hibernation for the last decade. and over the last 12 hours, with every trip to the bathroom, walk to refill my coffee mug, crossing of my legs as i stretch out my aching knees, the rip travels further up. and i know that when i take off this pair of xxl men's pajama pants from old navy...circa 1998...to officially begin my day...it will be for the last time. and so i want to stay in them just a little while longer.

Pull this String While I Walk Away

yesterday i had the retail equivalent to getting all geared up for a recruitment event only to be overwhelmed by a group of potential volunteers who smoke a lot of weed and don't have cars. in other words, i spent all day running up and down stairs, braving the stock room, finding visual staff to strip mannequins in order to find just the right size - only to sell NOTHING. it was painful and made me feel like i'm not good at my job. to make matters even worse, i had a fabulous day of selling on saturday - i even made a $2300 sale to a dentist who wanted to outfit his staff (hello...are you hiring?!?)....but then yesterday he came back and returned $1500 of it! now that i'm working on the tiniest amount of commission they are keeping track of our returns - i hate feeling like i have failed.

i came home a pile of broken. ABN tried to soothe my weary bones (and feet) with red wine and a black and white cookie. there might have been a few tears - which only made me feel more pathetic - am i really crying over retail? this isn't suicide people. i think it was just a build up. ABN and i had such a great run of days (dinner at our place with a friend, dinner saturday night with one of my coworkers, he's been happy at work, i've been happy at work...maybe we can do this west coast thing) and then crash and burn - my day sucks and all i can think about is how much i miss my CURLY friend. and the next thing i know, i'm in tears over a couple of sweaters...sick.

i have the day off today which is a good and bad thing - nice to not go back to the scene of the crime but i also realize that by being forced to go back i would be forced to get over it...now. but a day of sulking should be allowed once in a while.

i plan to post again later today (by writing that, to all of you readers, i'm hoping i actual feel the pressure to do it) with some character descriptions (remember i'm trying to write). stay tuned...

Young @ Heart

yesterday meant back to work and back to rough feet. i've gone through stages - blisters, soreness, rawness, the development of bunions, general aching and a pain in the back of my legs that i think comes from the enormous hill i walk up at the end of my long day. its not that the pain or roughness ever goes away but i think i sort of get used to it, it's expected, by the end of a long week. when i have a week, or even a few days off, it's as if my feet begin to go back to the way they were before this whole adventure began and when i head back to work...it's like starting all over. in other words - ugh.

i did this really stupid thing yesterday on my way home from work....i joined blockbuster for like the 20th time in my life. it's just....how is a girl supposed to rent a dvd? i really don't understand. it's been forever since we watched a movie together, cuddling on our red couch and i was just feeling like that would be the perfect way to spend a friday night. i even knew what movie i wanted. i had plans to stop by the little independent video store in noe valley - thinking it was really special that noe valley still had a little independent video store - but it went out of business - yesterday. so i felt stuck.

so my question to you is...what do you do? is this difficult for anyone else? and $5...that just seems beyond...

My Kachina Doll is Better THAN Yours

i probably should have come out with this earlier in my blogging but i didn't. this should come as no surprise to my loyal readers (or to anyone who has ever read anything that i have ever written). i don't know the difference between THEN and THAN. like, not at all. it doesn't matter how many times you explain YOUR rational reasoning, or point out various tricks that you promise will work. they won't. the truth is (as you probably know) THEN and THAN is only the tip of the iceberg...hello: THERE and THEIR and THEY'RE and YOUR and YOU'RE...i could go on.

i'm embarrassed by my situation but it's simply the way it is. i don't judge you for judging me...if i could fix it i would be i was set up for this at a very young age.

i was sent to a laboratory elementary school. that's right - while you were learning grammar, spelling and arithmetic, i learned how to be a good friend, how to make a warm fuzzy and an awful lot about the hopi indians. while you did multiplication tables, i mined for gold in the redwood forest. while you practiced writing cursive, i held my arm in ice water as long as possible. while you had second grade, i had one of two speaking parts in the play puss and boots (that's right, we spent ALL of second grade working on the play - ALL - and while i was one of the narrators, the rest of the cast DIDN'T SPEAK ALL YEAR - ask my TALL friend to tell you all about her starring role as a fish - oy). so all in all, considering where i came from - i think i've done pretty well for myself.

in closing, these errors will continue. it's simply my natural way. i hope that you keep reading in spite of the issues - its part of who i am. if you want to point out my missteps in the comments section, i'm happy to make the changes. and thank you for understanding.

stay tuned for future posts about hopi indians and the california gold rush.

Off the Clock

it's been really nice to have a couple of days off...i think especially because i have a job to go back to. does that make sense? if this was just endless time off, i'd loose it but since it was three days i was able to appreciate the down time.

what have a been up to? here's a brief rundown:

• i unpacked and did laundry. lots of laundry. having a washer and dryer is the most amazing part of our amazing apartment. i wash things at a moments notice without thinking twice. towels? done. sheets? done and done. bathmats and little kitchen rugs? yep, those too. i can separate my whites and darks, soak the fancy towels from restoration hardware in white vinegar and fall asleep to the gentle hum of the dryer. lovely.
• i have cooked - from a cookbook. in boston ABN and i tried to do recipe night at least once a week but as our move approached things got *crazy* and well, the recipes sort of stopped. with my new retail schedule i generally cook a couple of nights (or mornings) a week but i haven't had the time or energy to plan out a menu let alone flip through my MANY cookbooks. cut to this week. yesterday i made turkey mole enchiladas...and i had to warn ABN that there was a huge possibility that they were going to be the best thing that he had ever tasted. and super easy. i made the mole sauce and then cooked it with the turkey in my slow cooker (yep, i have a slow cooker). rolled my enchiladas and waited for the text that ABN was on his bike ride home. tonight we're having a friend over for dinner (more on that later) and i'm making steak with chimmichuri sauce, potatoes, cheddar/chive biscuits and strawberry shortcake - it's been a while since we have had company.
• i got new brakes for the car
• i sat in a cafe and read my new copy of vanity fair from cover to cover
• i worked on my honeymoon scrapbook. i was inspired by the fact that our wedding album is FINALLY on its way
• i emailed two friends i've been meaning to email for weeks
• i figured out an east coast trip for the end of the year
• i cleaned and scoured the apartment - it is clean but i long for some twice a month help. i know that ABN judges me for wanting it but i don't think there is anything in this world that makes me happier than walking into a freaking spotless apartment that has been cleaned by someone else. i know that you might judge me for that...but i sort of don't care. we all have our thing...it's a huge turn on. i'm going to try to bargain...if i can prove that i won't spend my entire paycheck at pineapple nation...can i use basically all of it for a cleaning lady? probably not...but...i'm working on it
• and now i'm off to purchase the food for dinner tonight - a friend from way back when (like hebrew school carpool way back when). oh and to get a bikini wax - gotta make full use of a day off.

my friends in boston carved pumpkins last night. i wish i had been there.

JEWISH BARBIE Marries Her Canadian!

i am a huge puddle leftover after an enormous rainstorm of ruach. FUTURE COUPLE of RABBIS are now, officially and forever, COUPLE of RABBIS (CoR), even if one of them, JEWISH BARBIE, still has a couple of years to go. i had not shared too many details about my plans for the festivities beforehand because JEWISH BARBIE is a sometimes reader - but all the secret preparations produced a major payoff!

i travelled to huntsville - yes, i have now been to the deep south - with a suitcase big enough for me to crawl into filled to the brim with things to make the wedding celebration that much more. hot pink tshirts for my team of fellow revellers, noise makers, bottles of bubbles, and enough tinsels and streamers to decorate every xmas tree that will soon fill PINEAPPLE NATION (but we'll save that rant for another post).

it should come as absolutely no surprise that JEWISH BARBIE has the most awesome friends, because what makes her so special is what an incredible friend she is. we had swapped many-an-email about who would be up for the challenge of joining TEAM RUACH and when i arrived at the airport i found a number who couldn't wait to help with projects: a trip to walmart - we were in alabama people - to purchase pool noodles (apparently, it's tough to get pool noodles after labor day, so we settled on pipe insulator - amazing). our hotel room was transformed into ommanut (arts and crafts) as my new BFFAE GG (guitar Goddess) and i covered the insulator with tinsel - eventually they would be used as arches for CoR to walk through as they entered the insane hora that was planned. oh, we also purchased a pink mop to be used as a maypole at the end of the hora - which caused this red head a ton of anxiety but i'll get to that later.

the rehearsal dinner was held at the space and rocket center which makes it officially the coolest rehearsal dinner site...ever (i mean, how do you top it? there was an actual, full size, real live space rocket). a true highlight of the wedding weekend for me was my reunion with TWEEDLE DEE (i'll leave you to imagine his best friend's name...got it?). he played a huge role in my last two years of college in too many ridiculous and inappropriate stories to recount here (although our reminiscing this weekend got me thinking - laughing and reeling - don't be surprised if i start writing some of those stories down eventually). it had been at least 4 years since i had seen TWEEDLE DEE and longer since we had spent any real time together. he has a smart, beautiful, funny, quick, JEWISH gf. i always knew he was capable of this kind of relationship but just wasn't sure he would realize in time. he told me i looked amazing and i told him to please make sure he tells everyone he knows. what?

sunday morning three of my new friends and i went over to the temple to decorate chairs for CoRs to sit in during pre-ceremony festivities (i could go into more detail but it basically amounts to singing and drinking...it's a jewish thing - men and women are separate and while the men share embarrassing stories about the groom - women offer the bride advice for her wedding night and beyond. i shared the advice from NANI: always get up before your husband and brush your teeth and put on a touch of lipstick so he see's you at your best - and sleep on a satin pillow - it prevents wrinkles - the southern women LOVED it!). we then spent the rest of the day with JEWISH BARBIE as she prepped - she looked absolutely gorgeous - obviously meant to be a bride. she even had a pink veil (that seemed to get pinker as the night went on, with pomegranates embroidered along the bottom).

we all started to cry as the procession began and GG sang as they started down the aisle - including JEWISH BARBIE who was a perfect balance of snotty, teary, pink.

we headed to to the reception where we ate pigs in a blanket and drank pomegranate mojitos - which are perfect representations of each member of CoR. then TEAM RUACH went into overdrive. tshirts were donned. there was lots of jumping, lots of singing - there was more ruach then alabama (or the band for that matter) knew what to do with. the arches were inspired, the signs, which guests held as CoR were lifted into chairs, made them feel like rock stars, and the maypole - the maypole rocked! PERFECTION! i can't wait for the next wedding...takers?

the rest of the night was filled with really good LBN/ABN time - a lotta dancing and nice talking too. obviously in the last couple of months we've spent a lot of time together just the two of us, but its been a while since we had time set aside together away from work - and that felt different and special. there were many trips to the bathroom, to hold JEWISH BARBIE's dress as she took care of business. there was dancing and laughing with all my new friends and TWEEDLE DEE too - which might have included a tequila shot (this is maybe why i can only see him once every 4 years).

we're now on the first of two airplanes to get home - home to san fran. this first flight is longer then i had calculated in my head (i think i forgot the time change) so i'm anxious and itching to get off. i'm not scheduled to work until friday which is great because i can do things like have my brakes checked (squeaky brakes and san fran hill are not the best combination), possibly have an old friend over for dinner and spend a day in a cafe writing (it seems like forever ago that i filled my days in cafes). but as much as i look forward to some time off that does not involve me losing my voice from screaming with excitement - i also know i tend to get a bit lonely/depressed during unstructured time. i do best with a routine. that's so boring - but ultimately i know it to be true.

Alabama or Bust!

in less than half an hour we're heading to the airport so this is going to have to be short. packing is not something that comes easily to me (i get super stressed out, often break out in hives...usually i set aside many many hours and consume a couple of glasses of wine in order to not completely loose my mind). but because of my schedule over the last few days i wasn't able to pack until this morning. i found myself walking through pineapple nation visualizing various outfits for each of the events this weekend, weighing my options. and ABN's as well. i'm glad its done. we have a ton of luggage for a weekend away but i have a huge suitcase full of ruach materials (which i am pretty proud of) so at the end of the day, i feel for the amount we're bringing we have done well.

yesterday was the monogram event. i wore my black and white peep toes (that my dad picked out) and i feel like i might be dealing with the damage i caused my feet for the rest of my life. i don't think the event itself was so successful (a ton of people, but most just drank and took the free gift) but the top seller was the dress that i was wearing...which i take full credit for. also, i worked with a woman who dropped over $4500...BANANAS (literally).

must run...not dressed...hair not did...and we're leaving in 15 minutes. as a side note apparently i'm an asshole and didn't know that john mccain's arms are a result of years of torture....oops. he's still a jackass.

Airing Out the Dogs

my jam packed weekends (NKOTB and 'BAMA EXTRAVAGANZA) leaving me struggling to get everything on my various lists done during the week. after all, girl has to work (even if i did get sent home early yesterday because business was so slow). so writing has taken a backseat for the last few days. not only this here blog, but that writing that i had been pushing myself to do on the side. yeah, not this week. maybe on the airplane?

i am currently watching the debate, making homemade pasta sauce, trying on clothes for the weekend, picking out the perfect outfit for the monogram event tomorrow night, trying to catch up on all the hollywood gossip i've missed (MADONNA - so sad)....oh, and of course writing this, sorry you aren't getting my full attention - really no one is. the goal is to be done AND done in time to watch the season finale of project runway tonight (i've got to have priorities).

in addition to everything that is filling my days...i'm going through one of those periods where i dream really really really vivid/real/is this really happening? it feels like it's really happening dreams which leave me feeling like i haven't been sleeping but rather doing whatever is going on in my dreams. nothing exciting, but during the hours when i am actually sleeping i feel like i am walking/talking/etc and so i wake up feeling more exhausted then before i sent to sleep. ugh.

did i mention i bought THIS (i'll add a picture when i take one, can't find one online - it's a gorgeous cropped leather jacket with a fan/rouged collar and a trapeze shape) when i was in vegas? how could i have forgotten?!? i had been drooling over it since the day i started working at pineapple nation but they never had it in the size i wanted and it was gone completely by about day 3. anyway couldn't leave vegas without visiting my sister store and there it was...ON SALE!

side note: i think i finally figured out what is so odd about john mccain's arms...in total they are a normal length but i think that the distance between shoulder and elbow is disproportionately shorter than the distance from elbow to wrist. think about it...i'm right.

My Hysterical Episode - aka 48 hours in Vegas for NKOTB

i really can't explain the greatness that was the new kids concert last night. i think this article really sums it up best. i'm simply way too exhausted to process but as you can tell from the picutre, our seats were incredible. i'm sorry that the video is so shakey but i couldn't quite figure out how to scream, dance, clap, sing, stamp and film all at the same time. and yes, that is me screaming in the background. third best night of my life - no question. once my voice returns i'll share more details but for now i'll leave you with this:


Step By Step from LBN on Vimeo.

Please Let Me Ask, Please Let Me Say

the countdown to vegas/nkotb weekend has begun (and by countdown i mean realizing that although i had signed up for the frequent flyer program on virigin america a couple of weeks ago, i hadn't actually purchased my ticket! oops. anyway, ticket now purchased and ready to roll). i still have to pack (which creates all its own kind of stress) but rather than get ahead of myself i spent most of the afternoon taking care of RUACH preparations. all in all, a productive day of atonement (now if ABN would only get home those damn burritos).

have you ever been somewhere, totally part of the moment you are in, for example, temple on kol nidre, and you hear something that you completely don't expect and it takes you to a very different time and place?

bear with me...i'm not sure if this is going to translate...

in the middle of services MARSHA begins singing, "because of my brothers and friends, because of my sisters and friends" and instantaneously it is june 1993 and i'm sitting at a sticky round table in the chadar ohel. we're learning two new songs for the summer, on this, our first day. my friends and i can't believe how much has changed since the summer before (after all, it wouldn't be the first day if we didn't have this reaction). and there are these random counselors from canada who can't pronounce the word house...as the song continues, "this is house, the house of the one, i wish the best for you"

B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

monday afternoon a well dressed, obviously MOT, man walks into PN and approaches the racks of women's clothes. he looks a bit lost, confused and unsure. i make my approach.

"good afternoon sir (my dad would be so proud), can i help you find anything today"

it turns out he and his wife are celebrating their 7th wedding anniversary and he decided to gift her with the traditional wool - or in his case, cashmere...he wants to me to show him what we have. i begin with a gorgeous silk and cashmere shawl that i have been eye-ing for the last week (it's not online...otherwise i would share a picture so you can join me in my drooling). one thing that i have learned is that if i sell it to someone else, i sometimes loose the urge to buy it for myself - it's like i have fulfilled the urge to splurge because i got someone else to do it instead...but back to my man. he seems pleased with the shawl but wants to know what else we have. i show him a sweater that is cute but nothing special (and after the fact i think to myself sweater - even if it's cash - is sorta of a lame anniversary gift - can you imagine telling your girlfriends, he got me a sweater...ick). oh and we had a cashmere dress too - but in the back of my head i had already decided he was buying the shawl (thinking if i decide it hard enough, maybe it would happen). he's slowly making his way towards the cash register when he once again asks if there is anything else cash that he should look at...and i flippantly mention that we do have a cashmere trench (again no picture...but when i think about it...i die), hahaha. do you want to see it? he answers that i can tempt him.

the next thing i know, after an additional 45 minutes of back and forth i have convinced him that what he needs more than anything in this world is this gorgeous coat. it's a "modern heirloom" after-all. check out the sleeve. she will DIE over the sleeve. not only is he buying the coat, but he's buying her a hat to go with it (i'm all about creating a complete look) and he's opening a PN card. my coworkers are high-fiving me...I LOVE MONOGRAM!

fast forward to later that night, 7:30pm. in strolls my MOT and his lovely, opinionated, bride. turns out he has gifted the trench and she's just not sure if it's for her. excuse me? i don't think i understand. not only is it simply impossible to not fall instantly in love with this gorgeous piece of perfection, but if it gets returned, i loose my freaking sale! in my three days working in both men's and women's sales i have learned that men might not be as open to trying something on but once they make the decision to take something into a dressing room, they are much more likely to make the purchase - and they don't return anything. women on the the other hand take one of everything into the dressing room and that means - nothing. so as WIFEY goes back and forth trying to make a decision, i bring her a smaller size, i tell her that her daughters will fight over it (who cares that they are 1 and 4), i tell her that it's a classic cashmere trench with a puff sleeve - HELLO!!! she'll have it forever, there is no choice to be made. she reassures herself that in a couple of years, she'll be ready for a new coat, so really, it's not forever - and decides to go with it.

whatever it takes.

the coat is BANANAS!

and i learned this very important lesson - when given a wonderful gift by ABN, always keep it. not only because he put his heart and soul into choosing something beautiful and perfect. but also because mostly like, some girl worked her ass off trying to make the sale!

i'm off for the first time in seven days! i have a million errands to run, mostly ruach filled in prep for the 'BAMA EXTRAVAGANZA next weekend!

g'mar chatimah tova....

I Left ABN in the Middle of a Big Gay Street Fair

my hands are dry and peeling and my feet are so swollen they no longer fit into any of my shoes. this is a problem. yep, today is my 6th day in a row of work. and i'm working tomorrow too...awesome. i shouldn't complain, after tomorrow i'm off until after NKOTB vegas weekend, but right now, i'm feeling like PN is my home.

yesterday was the official first day of the monogram stylist team. four of the six of us were on, which we all agreed was a bit over-kill...we spent many many many hours orbiting around each other, sharing a very small number of customers, straightening lots of hangers. the store itself was fairly empty but we all agreed that by keeping all the top sellers in one little area, PN is not getting the most out of its staff. live and learn. our goal is $600 an hour, each...i brought in $525...which made me feel way lame as my average for last month was over $900. i hoping to make it up today, but it's a monday and that doesn't really feel too promising.

for weeks now i have been talking about starting a book club. i miss my group from boston on a daily basis. we fell somewhere between a book club that likes to eat and an eating club that likes books - which seems to be the perfect combination to me. anyway, i finally planned an initial sf book club meeting - bringing together a few women who i have met/reconnected with along the way. we're reading THIS...not til december, but something to look forward to. i'll keep you posted.

Skip Around the Room

it's ABN's birthday and i have to work...which makes me feel like a horrible wife or partner...or whatever. we had peanut pasta for dinner last night (i over cooked the chicken) and cupcakes from the noe valley bakery and then this morning i made french toast and gifted him with a few items for his wardrobe - i made him promise that for every item he keeps he has to get rid of something old and ratty. i'm not sure how much of a gift this makes it but i am hoping it will help with the purging process. unbelievably the jeans fit (this never happens, he tends to try on half a gazillion pair only to be frustrated that he can't jam everything he needs in life into the pockets) but i think the puffy vest is going back - can't blame a girl for trying. tonight he is going to meet me outside PN and then we'll go out for birthday dinner and fun (but i can't write just where here because he'll read it and then he'll know and it's not like what we're doing is so freaking out of no where but a little surprise is always nice).

yesterday i spent the morning at corporate looking at the new spring line. for the most part i think they are moving in the right direction - away from the san francisco man and more towards everyday (ABN will still never where it). also, they are moving from purple towards blue (which isn't really an also, but more an example of my previous point). i felt important and sophisticated and like i had a greater purpose. like my opinion might directly impact something - like i could promote real change. like i use to do...with suicide and teens and jews. now i help people look...good...look...better. i'm trying to come terms with how i feel about that.

Blame Carole King

in an attempt to write about more than what i sell and what is being recorded on my dvr...i wrote this while taking a bath this afternoon - don't worry, i wrote it in a composition book, you know, one of those old school black and white ones? when i'm really writing something, i mean more than the blog, i have to write it out by hand. then type it. i didn't type in the bathtub. oh, and when i write things, other than the blog, it's usually a bit depressing. that might be because i usually need to be listening to depressing music when i write...in order to write. okay. you get it. you've been warned.

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i heard from an old friend today. we've been in touch, on and off, over the last decade - but i probably haven't seen her since 1996ish, when our lives stopped intersecting, she had stopped spending her summers on the top of the hill a few years before and after awhile...we'd moved on. it seems that every couple of years we reconnect over email, send a few surface-level updates back and forth and then return to our everyday lives that no longer include each other. that sounds harsh - but i mean the exact opposite. we simply grew apart - nothing more dramatic - at least i don't think there was anything more dramatic. but she emailed today, and she reads my blog - and i realize i miss that friendship. i also realize that the last time i saw her i was 17 - at the oldest - and i wonder if she is as different today as i am. i wonder if we've both changed enough to reconnect and be real friends again.

she wrote something simple about those summers on the top of the hill and how when she thinks about them she is filled with great happiness - and sadness too. and i think about my own broken heart and how i long for the time when i saw that hill and heaven as one and the same. i wonder if the sadness that she feels is only longing for what once was - or if she feels a similar sense of disappointment and disillusionment. that last summer, when it became so clear i had over stayed my welcome. what i would not give to remove that last summer from my roster and pretend it all came to a picture perfect close. well, picture perfect with a whole lotta drama...desired drama.

and at the same time, without that last summer, would i ever have felt finished? without that last summer, i wouldn't have the same kind of we-made-it-through-the-war-together-nothing-can-break-us friendship with R and J. i wouldn't have seen "my girls" all grown up. i wouldn't have had those nights when M and G risked their own lives driving up that hill in the dark, just to look into my eyes and tell me they felt it too. when he wiped my tears off my cheeks, de-fogged my glasses and told me it broke his heart that my heart had been broken, and i laid my head on his shoulder when he offered to take me away from it all. i wouldn't have felt as done, as totally-and-completely-fucking-done-forever as i felt that last morning and continue to feel. i wouldn't have my red jacket hanging in my closet.

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but this started with me thinking about friendship and i lost track because i've been listening to that cd ever since rosh hashannah services and its gotten me all sentimental...which makes me think...which makes me frustrated and angry...which makes me sentimental...which makes me laugh...and cry.

friendship lost. i can't write (or think) about the hill, and friendship, and loss, without thinking about you. we were in it together from the beginning. inseparable. you were skinny and i was loud and we were a perfect pair. i spent so much of our time together with this ridiculous smile on my face, laughing, singing, laughing, screaming, laughing - laughing, that i didn't realize that you had stopped. and by the time i turned around - my laughter had hurt you. i looked at you and i saw sadness and i looked ahead of me and saw more laughter and so i choose - I CHOOSE - to continue on ahead. and from what i could see, you stayed in your sadness. and i hear that without me, at times, you have found your laughter and at times your sadness consumes you. i fear that when we are near each other, which is rare, i remind you of the times i left you alone. i fear that we will never laugh together again. i fear that we never laughed together to begin with.

Top Sales

i am finally catching up on all my tv, now that my parents are gone. it's hard to find the time you know, with work and the holidays. but don't worry, i'm putting in the effort. i seem to be having a tad bit of trouble with setting up my new dvr so that i don't miss anything (so far i missed an episode of 90210 AND the premiere of svu which i know will repeat a million times in about 6 months but luke perry...come on! oh and an episode of house...mragh). i will only make one quick 90210 comment - i love that dylan has become the voice you don't hear on the other side of the telephone. do you think they can bring back other characters too? i would love to know where emily valentine is today!

yesterday was my first day selling, all day, in monogram. it was completely different, crazy in a different kind of way. not because there were a ton of customers but because it turns out i know nothing about men's clothing. one day when i'm not working i might make ABN come with me so that he can try on a bunch of different fits so that i can see what works and what doesn't. really, i need BESTIE. luckily, i spent part of the day with two guys who are more familiar with the line and they talked to me about different cuts. i have a lot to learn.

it's a different clientele that shops in monogram - a clientele that is in the city doing business from dubai and doesn't seem to care about dropping $850 on three shirts and a pair of pants in under 15 minutes of shopping. i love helping people spend their money.

its time for me to get dressed and get moving. don't want to be late for another day on the sales floor.

Round 3 - a Bit Late

in addition to the new year, ABN and i also celebrated our first anniversary yesterday. a year ago we were surrounded by our nearest and dearest (and aunt fran), laughing, dancing, eating the most freakin' awesome cake ever and of course feeling incredibly blessed (both literally and figuratively). it's crazy to think that it has been a year since my wedding shoes sunk into the grass, that my parents forgot everything we had practiced during the rehearsal and after walking me down the aisle just stood there until i pushed them away, since we israeli danced our asses off, since MARTIN did everyone's hair, since we sat in the lobby of the hotel afterwards and laughed and drank beer. it's been a year since we signed our ketubah and said our vows. a year of having a hyphenated last name. a year of being MARRIED!

this year, i woke up to find that ABN had put our wedding guestbook and fake wedding album (it's a long story) out on the coffee table. we looked through the pages, smiling at the notes people had written and sharing our favorite moments from the big day. after services we had turkey sandwiches for lunch (what else?) and ate the last two LBN/ABN cookies (my parents brought them from their freezer when they visited). we're saving the cake (which is STILL in the freezer in westpo) for our upcoming visit in december - i think they are possibly holding it hostage in order to gurantee our visit. we sipped wine and opened cards and presents (i can't believe how many people thought of us...AGAIN!). and we shared gifts and cards with each other - i can finally reveal that ABN and i will be taking a cooking/wine pairing class together in early winter...so fun. and get this...ABN is sending me for a 2 HOUR MASSAGE...HERE! it's just...well simply unbelievable.

we ended our special day with the most special dinner. for a wedding gift FUTURE (very very soon to be) COUPLE OF RABBIS gave us a meal here. i couldn't take pictures of my food (which you know, i love to do) but i'll give a quick recap:

ABN:
vodka gimlet
summer tomato starter - soup, bruschetta, bites of pasta
lamb - shank, brisket taste, chop
rootbeer float (yes, rootbeer float! the chef is famous for it!)

LBN:
cosmo - i was feeling like since it was from MRS. FCR it was appropriate
tuna tartar
salmon - three ways i can't remember (does it say something that i remember ABN's meal but not my own?)
peanut butter/banana "sandwich" with peanut butter ganache that i wanted to take a bath in and sourdough ice cream...BEYOND!

we shared a half bottle of pinot noir and oh there was an amusbuche AND bon bons came before the check.

then we rolled ourselves all the way home :)