it's the end of the world as we know it

it's official - my flat iron is dead. this is serious. with my current short hair by martin i rely heavily on my chi. about a week ago i noticed that its red power light wasn't burning so bright, but i had no clue it would meet its end so quickly. what is a girl to do?

i turned straight to google. while i have loved my 1" Chi (which i believe was double the price when i bought it a couple of years ago) i am a true believer that with a flat iron, you get what you pay for. if i was someone who only straightened ocasionally then fine, i would half ass it, but as a girl who straightens daily...i have NO CHOICE but to shoot for the stars.

from what i can tell, the sedu is getting the highest rating from other ladies in the know. but i am not one who is quick to trust...and thus i am left in a bit of a quandry. i need the flat iron yesterday but i can't quite seem to hit the purchase button! i've emailed my COOL COUSIN in LA but i'm not sure how long i can wait for a response - and yes, i'm sweating and in full hive breakout!

i long for my days of long curly hair. i mean, doing the post-wedding-chop was a really good thing. i needed a change and i do dig the look. but i miss my curls, i miss not relying so heavily on the flat iron, i miss letting my hair air dry and i miss a ponytail like nobody's business. when i sleep/workout i do this sort of half up waterfall thing that harkens back to jessicasamel in the red room. it tickles ABN under his nose when i sleep on his shoulder (which is where i sleep) and i often feel him flopping it out of the way in the middle of the night.

last night i caught possibly my favorite line EVER of "unscrpited" tv while catching up on the hills - LO to LC regarding her dinner plans with stephen, "that melts my little black heart." LO is BY FAR, the best character on tv in quite a while. really she's right up there with STEVE SANDERS.

there is a possibility (very small) that i may have guessed matt lauer's where in the world location for tomorrow. i'm putting my money on the maldives. i've never been right so i don't have high expectations, but it would be exciting.

to find out if i'm right and for more of Flat Iron Saga 2008, check back tomorrow!

Amsterdam, Disneyland, Tel Aviv

as much as i am a girl up for an adventure (mostly of the culinary variety), i am truly a creature of habit.  coffee in the morning, celebrity gossip over lunch, the gym in time for oprah in the afternoon.  and this week, something that i have come to expect, just as the temperatures rise, just as i have to factor street-cleaning into my overnight parking choice, just as i am getting ready to drop off sweaters and jackets at the dry cleaner (alright, that never really happens, i always plan to do it at the end of the season, but in reality i know i'll be there come the week before thanskgiving, freezing my ass off) - WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MATT LAUER!?!

its a wonderful way to measure the passage of time - last year when matt travelled to five different places in five days i was prepping for my own wedding.  and i can remember sitting in my cold kitchen in westport, listening the music as the show opens and guessing with my mom where he would be next.  we were never able to guess.  but i guess that's the point.

i've travelled with matt through his hair transplant, rocky marriage rumors, my college education, my time in new york and i've been fascinated by his five days of hair stubble.  its not really about where he goes (although his antics at times do make me laugh outloud - yesterday he awkwardly tangoed in argentina - i started to itch - and today, in amsterdam, he's wearing orange pants - with no explanation) but about how his skin survives all that time on a plane...really :)  this time 'round they are adding random trivia about matt's past trips that meredith reads during the commercial break.  today she asks, "how many bags does matt travel with"...who cares?  well, i do, but just a little. 

i start my day, each day with the today show.  al tells me the weather.  if the sky is falling, i'll know before i head out the door but if george clooney is staring in a new movie, i'll know that too.  the today show isn't the be all and all to me...i am sure there is something else, better, out there.  but i have found it to be a constant in my ever changing world.  and i appreciate consistency. 

i'm off to an office bridal shower for a co-worker - gotta love jewish communal service.  there will be bagels, which could be enough of an indicator that today will be a pretty good day.  

and in case you were wondering - it's 35 bags.  as someone who hates to pack - that's a lot to think about.  and as i've been sitting here, apparently orange is one of the national colors of the netherlands....and that's supposed to explain the pants - i would have gone with blue...but that's  just me.  

ABN's BFFAE

while at PT/work on wednesday, a tree branch broke my front windshield.

the past two days have been painful - and i'm not trying to be figurative. my knees are working against me. they refuse to get along with my legs; its as if they have decided they are enemies and won't cooperate...or play nice (they clearly weren't listening to all those working together exercises i learned during my years at my labratory elementary school). the massaging during PT hurts like hell and seems to be making me MORE inflamed...the only good news on the knee front is that my parents seem to believe that there is now something wrong with me (and have stopped telling me to get over it...remember, i was home this past weekend). it feels good to feel like the people in your life believe that you are in pain...still, i would just rather feel better and for my parents to go back to believing that i had been over reacting.

did i mention i have a broken windshield? yeah? just checking.

when ice doesn't help i have been rereading an email i received during the height of my discomfort yesterday...from ABN's best friend (he's my very good friend too, once upon a time, not so very long ago, we all lived together, but at the end of the day he's ABN's BESTIE...at least that's what he's called in my world). BESTIE has been going through what some might call a rough patch but what i would like to call a his own personal liberation movement. two weeks ago i supervised his move into his own apartment (just like the proud mother i am) by hanging all of his dress shirts according to color and facing them the same direction (if only i had drawer liners).

one of my favorite parts of my day is when i arrive at my desk each morning and find an email from BESTIE. usually he reflects on his activities from the night before and what he has learned/how he is feeling (liberation movements, it turns out, include some self reflection as well). his excitement about what he has discovered about himself (and others) regardless of big or small...brings a smile to my face. a BIG smile, that sometimes includes an audible giggle. it's not just that he's feeling/doing what he is but that he thinks to email me with these realizations each day...to quote BESTIE..."I LOVE IT"

yesterday, right at the moment where phsyical pain and frustration were a about to break me into true bits and pieces, BESTIE's daily email arrived. the reflection of the day: how he has decided to color coordinate his apartment - and the joy that making this decision has brought him. BESTIE has no clue how much i have come to look forward to his daily reflections...they have become part of my routine, like checking usmagazine.com

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tonight we are going to a friend's for shabbat/passover dinner. i am making ina garten macaroons (by way of my dad of course)...SO YUM so i best get going. we'll be breaking passover on saturday night (and not a moment too soon). i see sushi in my near future :)

You Oughta Know

i'm a stalker. its true. if i know you, even if only peripherally, even if (okay even more likely if) only in my imagination - i could EASILY spend a day trying to find out information about you. i'm fascinated by what you do with your life, who you're sleeping with, who you're not sleeping with, where you shop, what you're eating (what you're not eating), who you're voting for and how you spend your free time.

if i know you, like really know you. like have seen/talked to you in the last five years, i don't care so much about your day to day life. so you're safe. but. if i went to high school with you or college with you or camp with you, or if i've seen you on tv or in a movie...check your privacy settings.

its the way i got into this whole blogging thing to begin with. facebook fills a great void (a void i'm not sure i knew existed until i began to fill it) in my life by keeping me up to date on the moment to moment actions of the people i am no longer really connected to, but now know more about than ever before. but what's better is when your facebook profile contains a link to your blog...jackpot! i now not only know WHO you're sleeping with, what you're watching on tv, if you're celebrating passover, BUT also how you feel about it! it's almost better than reality tv!

i'm not a very good stalker. like if facebook didn't let me know each time someone's relationship status changed, i'm not sure i would know how to find out. i love the easy access, i love that i can turn on my computer when i get to work each day and find out what you were doing the night before!

i love wedding websites, again, even of people i don't know. i love knowing what people have registered for. i've also moved on to babiesrus.com...i want to know what stroller you think is best, and of course how you plan to decorate the nursery. i love it when you put up pictures from your various trips and nights on town. i especially love it when your pictures include other people i know. especially when they are drunk. and fat. sorry. that was mean. just drunk. i love it when you blog about the baby you are about to have. i am fascinated that people that i know are having babies (and is it weird that so far they are all boys?). i can't get over the fact that you are having a baby, or that you are getting married. even though i'm married i think its SO WEIRD that you are married.

i believe whole heartily that if you take you must also provide - so while i stalk, i also make sure that i am providing information for others. i assume that the rest of the world is just like me and while i wouldn't argue that my life is very interesting, i would argue that it's the mundane stuff that you're really searching for.

i've got to get down to pt (if i was reading someone else's blog this would be the kernel of truth i was searching for) and then home. ABN is working on his revisions and i'm having kosher for passover wine with an old friend (hold the strawberries).

in other earth-shattering news, i fear that my flat iron is slowly dying on me...it's trying to hang on for dear life but over the last few days its had trouble heating up. this has caused some serious heart palpitations...stay tuned.

Once We Were Slaves in Egypt

we were in CT this past weekend for passover. on the way down on friday night we stopped at Rein's Deli for turkey sandwiches. its become a tradition, when driving from boston to westport, anywhere around a time that would be appropriate to be considered "meal time", it only makes sense to stop at this ginormous deli and indulge in kosher pickles and diet dr. brown's cream soda. its an odd practice because while the food is good (dry turkey - check, rye with a chewy crust - check) its not like the best deli ever. yet we stop, along with thousands of other jews in the diaspora.

so we pull into 5 foxfire lane and my parents are standing in the door way to greet us - smiles on their faces, yummy smells coming from kitchen - and it feels good to be home. my dad, complete with college sweatshirt (it's his uniform) immediately asks if i remembered his coffee (he also called during the drive to make sure i picked it up) and my mom asks if i've said hi to my brother, further referred to as The King. as i've been the house a total of 4 seconds, hugging both of my parents for the duration of that time, not out of their touch let alone their sight, it should not come as a surprise to my mother that The King and i have not yet exchanged pleasantries.

we make our way to the cold kitchen (regardless of the temperature outside, or the number of ovens on, it's always cold in the wesport kitchen), the center of our witkow universe, and my dad takes some of his homemade frozen cookies out to thaw in time for a before bedtime snack. ABN pours himself a glass of water and my mom and i exchange the stack of wedding invitations that we have both been collecting/saving for the other over the past couple of months since we last saw each other. we have all settled into our roles - and then i hear a bounding up the stairs from the basement - The King has decided to grace us with his presence.

when i describe my relationship with The King i always say that we are best friends. he's sweet and kind and funny as hell. for a really long time all of this was true. when we were together we were laughing - he always made situations better. in reality he's going through a fairly major "its all about me" stage. his independence is everything and while i get that he's figuring out his life, he doesn't seem to have much interest in other people - especially the people who love him most. this isn't a new thing for The King, its just new that i admitted we're not really close right now. in reality, right now, we're not much of anything.

it makes me feel sad to think about The King, the way things have been in the past and the way things are now.  deep down i believe that deep down he's the same.  and eventually we'll be best friends again, but for now...well for now i'm frustrated (to a hair pulling, full-body rash extent) that he has an effect on my time with my family.  it has taken a long time for it to be fun to come home (and i know that ABN has a lot to do with the fun we now have) but when The King is around, everyone is different.

our passover seder was full of parody songs.  my parents insist that i lead the seder but its not the seder that i want.  i talked to my mom today (mostly about The King - so yeah, it got off to not such a great start) and she has BIG plans for passover next year (homemade haggadah uh huh) and i wonder if that means she felt unsatisfied too.    

for now we're back in boston and i'm reconnecting with my dvr.  gossip girl is back and it makes passover feel like a distant memory.

Just Don't Ask Me to Use a Pager...K?

before working in my current job (i've been here just over a year) i worked with teens in crisis. like, major crisis. think about teens in the worst situations you can imagine and then multiply it by 10 (because crisis always happens in mass) and remember i have no advanced degree and there was no clinical support. what i did have was a pager 24/7 (yes, apparently they do still exist, although when i tried to renew the contract it was extremely difficult to find a dealer), even while on vacation, even while in california on vacation (and people wonder why i left - i still breakout in hives when i see one). we basically got engaged, i realized that i was supposed to be happy - and quit my job. now i work for the jews, and there is little to no stress (and i get ALL the jewish holidays off - like even the one's you don't know about). and its great.


i will not give you a true picture of what my current work day looks like because well, you wouldn't believe me anyway. there's quite a bit of down time...today i planned my family's passover seder, printing out new readings related to social justice and the world we currently live in (which i am sure my father will mock). and i found a new list of song parodies (my father's favorite part of the "traditional" passover seder, you should really hear his tone deaf rendition of "just a tad of charoset" sung to the "tune" of "just a spoonful of sugar") of which i made 10 copies. i do catch oprah most days, while at the gym, which is in my building. i know. i'm a lucky girl.


although, i think i might have forgotten how to deal with stressful situations and how to keep perspective.


when working with the crazy teens and the even crazier adults associated with them, i was juggling life and death (literally). but it was part of my every day. sure, i was miserable, but i just sort of trekked on. i had to. i went into survival mode.


today this is NOT the case. i do not deal with life and death. i deal with ordering merchandise to give away to potential volunteers. i make phone call after phone call, send email after email, from my windowless office only to find out that RANDOM DUDE has too many speeding tickets and therefore can't volunteer. my supervisor once asked me to come to a board meeting because board members would be on their best behavior with me there. and for unknown reasons, when a decision has to be made, or the stats don't look the way i think they should, or an event hits an unexpected speed bump...i freak (inwardly only...on the outside i'm a cool and collected red head...i do know its all about appearances). the "numbers" look good so everyone is happy with me and my hard work and winning personality. some days i get down because i wish i was having a greater impact on the world, but then i remember what my old life looked like and felt like, and i realize i can deal with my random and irrational stressed-out-outbursts.


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tomorrow ABN and i head to westport for passover. my mom gets upset when my brother and i don't refer to their house as home. i'm 27, i'm married and westport is still supposed to be home? i haven't lived there since 1999. and when i did live there, i was miserable. truthfully, westport feels more like a home now than it did back then - which says something, i should probably tell my mom - i think it would make her feel better.


and just to follow up on my post from yesterday...as much as i tried to stop myself, i caught the first episode of the new season of the real world at the gym today (yes, i had time to go to the gym for an hour, blog and also plan passover). it was disgusting and totally moronic...and i'll be watching next week.

My Inappropriate Relationship with the People in my TV

i have an inappropriate relationship with the people that live in my tv. they are my best friends. i run to them. my favorite part of my day, regardless of what else has gone on, who i have seen, what i have eaten - is when i plop down on my brick red ultra-suede couch and watch my shows. i don't have a favorite night, or time, or even program (although clearly there are some i don't miss), i just love losing myself in someone else's story - no matter how trivial, becoming totally captivated by the drama of a life that is totally different from my own.

i am addicted. if i catch one episode, of basically anything, i have to add it to my dvr. i need to know what happens next. i can't be cut off, i can't just walk away. i need my shows, and i sort of feel like they need me too.

this morning i realized that i had missed the season finale of rock of love 2 and i sort of wanted to cry. the show will repeat 1000 times in the next two weeks and by tomorrow afternoon i will successfully have dvrd (my favorite verb) it. i don't love bret michaels (although i am curious if his forehead is really as high as his perpetual bandanna makes it appear) and i was thoroughly disgusted by the girls who were competing to be a "rock star girlfriend." but once i caught one episode (most likely on a long winter weekend afternoon as ABN worked on the dissertation) i was captivated. and just to be clear. i know who won (and who lost) and that does not satisfy my need at all and i don't feel like it was "spoiled" either. i live for the drama.

my tv watching habits fall into a few different categories. shows about crime, shows about buying/making things, shows in which there is a high probability that someone will either get pregnant, steal someone else's boyfriend, have their hair pulled, and/or overdose all while wearing beautiful clothes, and, shows that i watch with ABN.

i can sit and watch the crime shows for days (and my couch has the butt imprint to prove it). whether grissom and i are able to identify when the murder took place due to the age of the maggots found near the bodies, or i'm noticing that olivia is taking another rape case too personally, or i am solving a case from 1987 because i can identify the B-52's song i hear playing in the background or i can't stop dreaming about anthony lapaglia - i can't turn it off. it doesn't matter the show, or the season or the order or the cop (except where anthony lapaglia is concerned but technically he is FBI so that makes him in a different class anyway). i have to physically force myself to not watch CSI NY, Criminal Intent and NCIS because i fear that if i allow any more of these shows to infiltrate my life i will have no choice but to go under cover at the dunkin donuts around the corner - after all, i have worked so hard to fine tune my crime-solving skills.

home improvement/cooking shows are a fairly new addition to my tv viewing world and i think it is a combination of having dvr (so i can be less picky and have more options) as well as my stage of life. i am fascinated by people who are buying houses (regardless of where and for what price) and dishes that other people cook - that maybe i can cook too (just not nearly as quickly and minus the pork).

90210 was the catalyst for the OTHER type of drama i choose to devour. i have watched every episode and happily re-watch episodes as they air on soapnet (there was a while i was DVRring them but then my short and curly friend bought me the first three seasons on dvd). i can identify an episode in the first 16 seconds, its really quite remarkable. i strongly believe that gossip girl is the best thing on tv, largely because they were able to pack all the drama of 10 seasons of 90210 into the first hour long episode (i'll let you think about it for a minute. okay, good). i put most reality tv in this category as well - when you get right down to it, the common denominator really is the catfight. it goes beyond tv for me. i feel like the 20 seasons of the real world are people i have grown up with - i care about them - in a completely unhealthy, one-sided way. i wish i could say that rock of love 2 was the lowest of the low but while i have successfully steered clear of recent seasons of the bachelor, there's a chance i watched every episode of the high school reunion AND paradise hotel 2 (and my all time favorite was celebrity intervention...okay i'm done!).

and finally the shows i watch with ABN - there are exactly 3 of them, and they are never all at the same time of year, and two of them are on a network we don't get which means we only watch when they come out on DVD, much, much later. i do love jim and pam, and i am fascinated by the whole polygamy thing. larry david just makes me uncomfortable - there is no way around it. but the main reason i watch is to share my tv experience with ABN. i know he doesn't get it, and while he enjoys these 3 shows, i know its not the same rush i get. but there's nothing as good as watching him bop during the opening credits of curb.

there is a possibility this post has gotten a bit too personal. i have revealed my most personal side. there are no links the shows that i find truly shaming...still, if this is my greatest vice...scratch that, paradise hotel 2 - REALLY DANGEROUS.