i find that i spend a lot of time, over thinking things that others find simple, trying to make tough decisions: what i am going to wear to work the next day? what shoes will be most comfortable for walking. should i bring an umbrella? is it time to reapply sunscreen? but i find that when i do come to a decision, i pretty much like to stick with what i decide. once i've figured it out, i can move on to my next challenge.
so this is why, sometime around 4th grade, i decided what i would name my first born son. i'm not sure how i came to the decision, or who put the name in my head, but THE NAME, has been a known in my life for quite some time. i have no clue what i would name a little girl, or what i would name a second son for that matter, and find that i often lay awake at night, thinking about names that might work (while at the same time trying to figure out if my wool pants are going to itch at my waist where there is no lining). this is just the way mind works - judge if you will. while it is clear there are many things i DO worry about, for years i have expressly not worried about what to name a first born son. so there.
those days are now officially over. i have a mix of emotions as i announce that my one and only, Older Cousin M gave birth to a beautiful and healthy bouncing baby boy this morning. i'm so excited for them and especially for my grandma (just in time for mother's day) and my 90 year old papa...what could better than great grandkids? it's great, wonderful, mazel tov! except for one minor (MAJOR) problem, the baby has MY BABY NAME!!!
i mean, IT IS a great name, so why wouldn't you want it. the kid has got to be pretty cute, with such an adorable name. but its not too adorable, like one of those names that you are going to grow out of...no when he's all grown up he's pretty much guaranteed to be a great guy with a name like his. you hear the name and you think jewish, which to me, is important. but you also know the name, and pronounce and spell it correctly (at the time i made my decision, way back in 4th grade, this probably didn't matter that much, but now that i have this wack-a-do hyphenated last name, its pretty important). by far the best part of the name though is that its great in its full form and just as great in nickname form - so the kid's got choices and can identify a bit differently at various stages of his life - clearly i have personal experience with this! i also have always had this weird fantasy (i admit it's sick) that my kid __ would be best friend's with a kid with the same name. so my kid___BN would go over to play at ___ S's house...how cute is that?
ABN thinks i have officially lost my mind. its quite possible (although if questioned i would argue til the bitter end) that i had never even mentioned my intention of a name to him. but that has a lot to do with the fact that i had made a decision (it happens so rarely) and really hadn't questioned it since.
for the last two hours, since news of bouncing baby arrived, i have been wondering - is it okay for 2nd cousins to have the same name? is it weird for a great-grandmother to have two great grandkids with the same name? (i know, i'm not anywhere near pregnant...if it helps we can think of this questions as completely disconnected from me personally...its simply interesting to consider in general...right?).
regardless of what conclusion i come to on the "same name within the fam" front, i will never be totally and completely settled on a name in the same way again. i know myself, i will question and question and reconsider until the kid has popped out. maybe that's better, maybe that means the kid will end up with a name that is true to him (or her) rather than one that is built on my 4th grade reality. still, i just hope i (we...now ABN can have a say!) can figure this out before the kid graduates high school - i wasn't kidding when i said i had a difficult time making a decision.
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