i might have just done something a little crazy. and by might, i mean definitely. and by crazy i mean, set me back lack 8 or 9 years. oops.
i went out to lunch with an old friend today and it was absolutely lovely. we went to THE BIG M together and i think were mostly attached at the hip but then my family moved across the country and our friendship didn't so much survive the distance. i remember missing her desperately but like so much of the move, instead of admitting my feelings i just pouted and slammed doors. i think she and another friend came to westport for a high holiday (or something jewish) sometime toward the beginning of freshman year - but we've had no contact since then. there was no falling out (at least not one that i remember), just a lot of miles and a butt load of drama.
i have to say it was really great to see her. we shared lunch (which after like 10 years says something) and talked about our real lives and who we were way back when. i was shocked to hear who she no longer talks to because when you're not in the mix you just assume that they are all still best friends and that you are the only one...left behind. left behind - that's funny - since i'm the one who left. i hate that i always feel like i'm missing something. i fear i'll never get over that school.
when it was time to leave i said that we should do it again - with ABN and her boyfriend - and i hope that we will because i think i'm at a place where we could...and maybe she is too.
so you're question must be...where's the crazy? oh, i got your crazy! thinking about THE BIG M always makes me think about some of my most unhealthy choices. and i can't help but think, i'm a different person now, a stronger person...and maybe i'm ready. i wonder. and sometimes wondering leads to reaching out...
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