did you feel abandoned? please know this was not my intention – who knew we would arrive in north carolina only to find no wireless internet and nothing that could be considered reliable cell phone reception? if i wasn’t already a bit unhinged about the prospect of spending six days “doing thanksgiving,” these two surprise attacks almost sent me running back for the coast from which I had just come. yet as i type these words i am on the airplane and it is, in fact, sunday…which means that i made it. and yes, i am currently patting myself on the back :)
some background…thanksgiving weekend growing up in west LA looked a lot like this…
Step 1: wake up Thursday morning to the smell of chopped nuts – oh yes, fruitcake production (on a level that truly requires its own post) had begun. Day 1 was about preparing the batter and nothing more. So while my dad had gotten an early start on the nuts, he was now ready for me to mix butter, sugar and molasses. I don’t remember THE CHARACTER being so involved in this production (initially he was too young to do more than pose in the fruitcake bowl – don’t worry, it was after it had been cleaned out – for the annual holiday picture) and then when he was old enough he was otherwise consumed by football – insisting on wearing his cheese head, even if the packers were not playing.*
Step 2: get in car, drive exactly .75 miles to grandma and papa’s house. Yes, when I lived in LA I was lucky enough to live within walking distance of my grandparents but because we lived in LA we rarely (ever?) walked. I’m fairly certain that I would do things differently if I lived that close today. We would arrive in time to eat the following appetizers: chopped liver on rye bread and baked brie. I’m sure an adult would argue there were other treats but I don’t recall anything else and as far as I am concerned, in life I need little other than chopped liver and baked brie. We sad in the living room, not in front of the tv andI think the adults would drink scotch and my brother and I would get root beer from the extra refrigerator in the garage. As my ENTIRE extended family lived in LA, not only would my grandparents house be filled to the brim with my aunts and uncles and cousins but my grandma would include my mom’s parents as well and my aunt and uncle and cousins on that side too. Because of this, it took me a long time to understand that were even “sides” to begin with.
Step 3: eat dinner.
Step 4: eat dessert. My grandma is the queen of baking deliciousness and thanksgiving was always a chance to find her greatest hits – chocolate cake AND cheesecake (again, I’m sure there was more but nothing else ever passed through these lips). In an effort to maintain some sort of family tradition, I have been known to travel across the country with my own bunt and spring form pans….but no matter how yummy my creations taste, in my memory, the desserts on Earlmar on thanksgiving were always just a little bit better.
Step 5: get in car and drive exactly .75 miles home and go to bed.
So when ABN and I started planning thanksgiving this year – 6 days in north Carolina – I kept asking what our plans would be. Plans? There are no plans!, he would lovingly respond. Huh?….now anyone who knows me knows I like the IDEA of sitting around, relaxing, doing a crossword puzzle...but in reality? Hence the minor anxiety attack as we boarded the plane.
But guess what? I had a great time! I mean, yeah…there was the recovery time from the aforementioned panic attack, but by the time we were done with thanksgiving dinner, which we dove into, head first at about 3pm on Thursday, I was having too much fun to remember what I had even been nervous about to begin with. It’s even possible I could get used to this whole relaxing thing….never mind, who am I kidding J
The true highlight was spending time with ABN’s extended family (I should say I feel like they really are my family too…at this point…really…but don’t know how else to identify them other than ABN’s family so I’m sticking with it). We’ve spent some time together before but it’s always been around events: weddings and funerals, and so having this chunk of time made it all a lot more real (as in, they now know about my obsession with the people who live inside my tv). While the trip might have started with everyone asking what I was planning on doing next (translation: how long are you planning to do this PINEAPPLE NATION thing?) by a few days in I had a clear plan in mind (thank you SETH ROGAN!) that I’m not just thrilled about, I’m dying to share it with you all…but I know I need to wait just a hot second longer (but really…its BANANAS…no pun intended). even the doubters have to remember the true virtues having a personal stylist in the family – there was a mass shopping expedition on my discount! (If not now, when?) My father-in-law, DAD PRIME, even got in on the action, checking my own clothing labels throughout the weekend making sure I was always being loyal to the brand – really, you should expect nothing less.
I had a therapist a little while ago, before we got married, who told me I needed to start rethinking about how I define family, because as you get older, your family unit changes. She told me to think about my allegiances. She suggested that its not so much about dramatically changing the relationships that I already have within my family, but making sure I still have room to really nurture my new allegiances within my new family. I had no fucking clue what she was talking about.
Last night (ABN and I refused to change time zones so THE COUSINS – that’s how we refer to the younger generation - would often go to bed after 2am but sleep until noon) I found myself laying on the king-size bed with ABN and DBN, rehashing the weekend, talking about future visits etc. After DBN went off to bed I realized that maybe I should have let A&D have a little alone, brother and sister time together. I asked ABN about it and he shook his head. “we both wanted you and expected you to be here, you’re part of this now.”
Talking with the two of them last night was my favorite part of the whole trip.
Maybe I’m beginning to get what that crazy therapist was talking about.
* Hmmmm…this is quickly turning into a fruitcake post, which really should wait until later in the holiday season – to wet your appetite: jewish family bakes 43 dozen miniature fruitcakes to be delivered to their nearest and dearest friends on Christmas eve…annually…stay tuned.
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